


We didn't break, We didn't burn...

by SilvertonguedClotpole



Series: We Didn't Break, We Didn't Burn [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Nothing much, Poor Merlin, Protective Arthur, Swearing, just a few kisses, possible TW for car accident, post traumatic syndrome, smushy stuff, varied length chapters because author is slightly crazy, writer's first attempt at merlin/arthur relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-25
Updated: 2013-04-08
Packaged: 2017-12-03 14:22:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/699202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilvertonguedClotpole/pseuds/SilvertonguedClotpole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur Pendragon has it all, but after an accident, he may lose something that could rip his entire world apart. Slowly losing Merlin, he isn't sure how he feels towards his best friend but he knows one thing for sure, he will go to the ends of the earth to help bring him back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Having it all!

**Author's Note:**

> First off, I just want to apologise about my 'relationship writing' I don't do it very well and this is my first M/M one too so it's probably quite bad. Chapters will be varied length because of how I write them. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy.

Arthur couldn't deny it. He had a great life. His father was rich, therefore so was he. His education was brilliant and he was either topping or nearly topping all of his classes. Most of all, he had the best friends he could possibly ask for. If he had to throw any one of them away he knew it would be the money, he knew it didn't matter if he was rich because with the education he had, his prospects in life and the people he surrounded himself with, everything would be ok. One thing he would possibly change though? Without a doubt he would bring his mother back. She had died when he was young and sadly hadn't got a chance to get to know her. Uther had often told him stories about her though, like when they met, how she had helped Uther with money issues and eventually had gotten married and decided to bring a child into the world...the following stories Arthur begged not to be told, he didn't think he could ever picture his parents in any positions he had himself been in. A few years later, they had nearly split up when Uther had an affair and got an employee pregnant. But they fought through it and eventually raised the child as their own- _the mother was a heartless bitch and wanted nothing to do with the kid_ , Uther had put it. So now? Now he had a workaholic dad (not that he minded, because spending too much time together usually ended in arguments), a loving sister, Morgana, and the best friends; Gwen, Gwaine, Lancelot, Percival, Leon, Elyan and Merlin.

Believe it or not, Arthur didn't have a girlfriend. He was nearly 6 foot, had golden sandy hair, muscles just the right size (not so small you could hardly see them, but also not so big his head looked too small), beautiful clear blue eyes, and a jawline that looked like it could cut you if you caught it at the wrong angle. No. He and Gwen had dated a few years back for almost 22 months, but had ended it after they realised they were just too close as friends; it was weird. For the past 7 months, Arthur had been single; he could have had the pick of any girl in the college if he'd wanted, but he never left the safety of his group- though he was popular , he only ever stayed with his friends, things might get complicated if he branched out. Lately though, Arthur was beginning to question himself, he would sometimes catch sight of Gwaine changing after football and think things he was pretty sure he shouldn't be thinking about a guy. Giving Percival's muscles a squeeze after the gym sometimes lasted too long recently and he wondered if anyone noticed the red complexion he had when he had finally let go. But the one person that was making him feel even more odd? His best friend Merlin.

He and Merlin had been friends since they were both around 7. His mother, Hunith, had become a cook at their family home and so she and Merlin had moved into the servants quarters (except Arthur hated calling them that). After a few years, Hunith was moved up to head chef, and eventually head caretaker of the household. When Arthur and Merlin had been 13, Uther had given her the opportunity to go to university and learn to become a businesswoman herself. She had done so and now takes care of Uther's business, including his accounts, his paperwork and phonecalls. The small family had moved out to a house only 5 minutes walk away and the boys could never be separated, they had grown up best friends and Arthur always planned on keeping it that way. Except now things were getting weird. Merlin had never had a girlfriend, but that was because he was shy and a little geeky, and he didn't exactly come across as...gay. _NO. I've got to get these thoughts out of my head. Merlin is your best friend, nothing more. Don't ruin it you clotpole._

'What are you smiling at?' Percy's voice rang out next to his ear and made him jump. He didn't realise he was smiling at himself for using _Merlin's word._

'Oh, nothing. I was just thinking something and clotpole came into my head, then I thought of how angry Merlin would be at me for using his word.' He nudged Merlin in the shoulder when he said this, a playful act, yet one that sent tingles up his hand and arm.

'Yeah. That's my word.'

'Actually, it's Shakespeares...it was one of his insults that he...'

'Shutup Gwen! Miss I'm a genius on Shakespeare.' Elyan always teased Gwen, he was allowed to, they were brother and sister. And at this, Gwen decided to hit him around the head with her folders, and just for good measure, threw a copy of Henry V at his back.

Everyone laughed then moved off to their final lesson of the day. It was half term starting that night, and they had a lot planned.

XX

'I cannot believe I have to do this stupid essay over the holidays! I have nothing about Ancient Greece at home!' Arthur was nearly red with frustration when the group met up outside the school gates, he and Merlin had been assigned an essay in history to complete over the holidays.

'Yeah, shock horror, you may have to go to the library. Don't worry, I've got plenty of books at home. But I still don't understand why he's given us this essay, Greek Myths have nothing to do with what we're studying at the moment.' Merlin was a little flustered but didn't seem too bothered, this made Arthur smile. _Such a little geek._

'Well I want to get it done before next week, so I can have at least a bit of a holiday. Wanna get it started tonight?' Arthur held up his keys to indicate to Merlin to come and help him, he wore a cheesy pleading grin on his face. When he saw the look in Merlin's eye he knew he'd gotten what he wanted.

'Yeah, may as well. We can stop by my place to get the books too.'  
  
'Well, good luck with that, meanwhile, I'm going out tonight, and tomorrow, and Sunday, whilst you two losers write essays like goody-two-shoes.' Percy sniggered. Even though he was a good guy, he wasn't exactly one for work, and often had detentions for not completing assignments.  
  
'Ok, well, let us know if anything changes or if you want to get together. Good luck.' Gwen gave both boys a peck on the cheek and pushed Elyan off in the direction of their car.   
The other boys followed, all waving and blowing kisses; Arthur should really question what he classed as good friends, because these were idiots.  
  
'We better wait for Morgana, she'll be furious if we leave without her.' Merlin was leant against Arthur's car, his arms crossed.  
  
'No, she only had half a day today, she left at dinner. Look...' He showed Merlin a text from Morgana at 12:06;  
  
 _Finished lessons for today, gone home to relax. See you later dork. Love Morg. Xx_  
  
'Ok. Bloody hell, it's already quarter past 4, how is it we always leave school nearly 45 minutes after it finishes? Percy's right, we are losers.'  
  
'Just get in the car Clotpole.'  
  
'Oi!' The two boys jumped in the car and drove off.  
  
Arthur had been working hard recently, and he was ready for a break. He just hoped nothing else came up to ruin it.  
  
XX  
  
To say it was nearly Autumn, the day was warm, the sky was blue and pretty much all the leaves were still green. Arthur had his music blasting out and both he and Merlin were singing (more like screeching) along; currently is was John Farnham You're the Voice.  
  
He turned and looked at Merlin, he couldn't help but think how good looking the young man was. It was strange, they were both 18 but Merlin looked a little younger somehow, maybe more like 16 or 17 at a push. His eyelashes curled, they were the same black as his hair, which was usually an organized mess, his eyes were bluer than Arthurs, resembling sapphires. His cheekbones stood out and brought your eyes straight down to his lips. And wow his lips. They looked like those in animated movies, heart shaped, full and a lovely pink colour. Quickly turning away, he swallowed and tried to push all thoughts out of his mind.  
  
The lights up ahead were green and he accelerated a little to make sure he would make it to them before they changed. Not that he was in a rush to get home or anything. Moving towards the crossroads, he turned to look once again at his friend in the passenger seat but what he saw made his eyes widen. A large van heading straight towards them, having clearly gone through red lights, and not looking like it was about to stop. Arthur tried to register what was happening but it was too late, he'd frozen. He saw the acknowledgement on Merlin's face and watched him turn his head to look out of his own window. His passenger saw the van's front grill come crashing into the left hand side of the car just seconds later.  
  
'ARTHUR!'  
  
'MERLIN!' They both yelled together. Arthur had no more time to react. The van crashed into Merlin's side of the car, the terrifying crunch of metal and the screech of tyres. He was suddenly aware of his world turning upside down- literally- as the car began to flip and spin. His body crashed into the car around him before coming to a stop. Arthur figured they were on their side, with him being in the air, Merlin's door lying flat against the ground. He blinked,something ran into his eyes, blood. Nothing felt right, his entire body ached and hurt, even moving one finger spread agony up his arm and through his torso.  
  
Darkness was beginning to creep into his vision. He could hear people shouting, he could hear the thud of his heartbeat, but the thing he wanted to hear most, the voice of his best friend, was not there. He succumbed to unconsciousness.


	2. The white washed room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Thanks for the reviews/follows so far, it sort of boosts my confidence. :) I felt bad for leaving it at a bit of a cliffhanger so here's the next chapter, but I doubt the rest will be up as quickly. It's all written though, so no need to panic. Hope I don't disappoint, here it is. :)

Arthur woke up to a white washed room, the sound of two heart monitors beeping simultaneously, though one did so at a much slower rate than the other.  Quickly, he closed his eyes again when the light became too much. He decided to stay this way for a while, just listening to the sounds. Blocking out the beeping as best he could he recognized a deep breathing, but it seemed muffled, and ragged, and forced. There was snoring, the sniffling of running noses, and footsteps from the corridors outside. The flicking of book pages was close by too, the pages must have been old because they sounded delicate. He felt the rough sheets beneath him and gripped them, whoever was sat beside him must have seen him because they curled their fingers around his hand and squeezed slightly. He decided to squeeze back.  
  
'What are you reading?' His voice was croaky and small.  
  
Gwen laughed, but it sounded pained. 'An old print of A Midsummer Night's Dream. Nearly 80 years old.'  
  
'How are you feeling son?' Arthur felt his father's presence come up on his left side, his hand falling onto his arm.  
  
'Fantastic. But please, whatever happens, don't let Gwen read any Shakespeare to me.' This produced a small laugh from whoever was in the room. Arthur finally opened his eyes a second time and brought his gaze up to his father. Uther always looked tired due to his working hours and travelling around the UK, but now he looked ill with exhaustion. His skin looked grey, the bags under the eyes were both black from fatigue and red from crying. His smile was broken but he forced himself to do so to reassure his son.  
  
Arthur turned to look at Gwen, she looked worse than his father. Gently, she pushed a lock from his eyes and carded through his hair. He looked towards the end of the bed and saw his friends, all of them, and Morgana. The room was spacious but he was pretty sure this many people weren't allowed in at the same time; though his dad being his dad had probably bribed someone to allow them in here. His gaze finally landed on the bed to his left, just behind his father. His breath caught in his throat and he couldn't believe he had forgotten his best friend.  
  
'Oh god no!' He tried to get up to go over to Merlin but was forced back down. 'No...no, no, no! Tell me he's going to be ok, oh god please dad!' He was crying, he didn't care that his friends were there. Merlin looked like death on nearly every machine known to man. He had a tube stuck down his throat, wires and needles in nearly every part of his hands and arms possible, and a number of smaller tubes going into his body in numerous places. He was topless but there was a small thick blanket laid over his torso, with the hospital blankets covering the rest of his body. His usually pale face was now washed of all colour, his pink lips were dry, chapped and cracking; they too were white. His chest rose slightly every few seconds, but Arthur knew it wasn't often enough to be healthy, he now also knew that the second machine he noted to be beeping much slower than the first and the forced breathing, were in fact Merlin's.  
  
'Merlin's in a coma. Well, so were you but you weren't under as far as he is. I'll be honest son, he isn't good.'  
  
'No, but he's strong, he'll wake up. You know he will Arthur.' Morgana was sat just beside Uther on Arthur's bed, stroking and patting his leg. She was pretty close to Merlin too, in fact, a few years ago, Arthur had tried to get them together, but Merlin had been too much of a girl to ask her out and she moved on to another guy.  
  
He noticed that Hunith and Gauis (Merlin's great uncle) were sat beside his friend's bed. 'I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.'  
  
'My darling boy.' Hunith got up and came over to him, smiling through tears. 'We all know this wasn't your fault. There were nearly 20 witnesses and the driver was absolutely off his head. You have nothing to be sorry for. I don't blame you and you most definitely should not do so either.'  
  
Arthur was suddenly hit by another wave of drowsiness and he closed his eyes to the soft feel of Gwen stroking his hair. Even with his eyes closed, he couldn't get the image of Merlin out of his head.  
  
He fell asleep hoping he didn't wake up to an empty bed beside him.  
  
XXX  
  
The next time he woke up, the room was empty except for a doctor checking both him and Merlin over.  His friend was no longer on as many machines, the tube going down his throat was replaced by oxygen into his nose, and he now only had one needle in his arm. The IV was still there though.  
  
'How is he?' He had made the doctor jump who had had his back to him whilst changing the fluid bag besides Merlin.  
  
'He's better than he was. Still at risk but...better.'  
  
'What's wrong with him? I mean...what were his injuries?'  
  
'Broken ribs, severe head injury, internal bleeding. You were lucky, just a head injury that knocked you out for a day.'  
  
'So, what's stopping him from waking up now? Why hasn't he woken up like I have?'  
  
'His head injury was much worse than yours, and we took him in for surgery. Yesterday, when you woke up before, he was still recovering from that, but now It's a case of his body being strong enough to fight through. I know it sounds a simple enough thing to do, just to wake up, but his body has shut down and a head injury like Merlin's can be fatal. I'm sorry it seems morbid but I feel like I owe you the truth.'  
  
'And I deeply respect you for that. Thank you. Do you think it will help if I sit beside him? Talk to him?'  
  
'It may do. And I think it will give you comfort too. Do you feel strong enough to get up, I don't want to push you?' At that, Arthur swung his legs over the side, shook off dizziness and stood up. 'Woah, I didn't actually say to get up. Here, steady.' He grabbed Arthur's arm and guided him over to a chair next to Merlin.  
  
'Thanks. Erm, I was wondering, our friends, could you...maybe tell them to give us some space? I mean, if Hunith and Gaius want to come in that's fine, they're his family, but the others, my dad especially, I just want a bit of time with him.'  
  
'Of course. Press that button if you need me.' He pointed to a buzzer next to Merlin's numerous machines and began to walk out.  
  
'Thank you Doctor...' He raised his eyebrows in question of the man's name.  
  
'Call me Matthew.'  
  
'Thank you Matthew, I wish all doctors were like you.' Arthur received a smile and a nod in response before the young man exited the room, quietly closing the door behind him.  
  
'Well. It's just you and me now buddy. So, I'd really like it if I had someone to talk to. I mean, I know it's a common thing for me to talk and you sit there in silence, but this is ridiculous. And you look like shit, so...' Choking on his words, Arthur took his friend's cold hand and held it between both his own. 'Please. I just need you to wake up.'  
  
Nothing.  
  
'You know...I was hoping to talk to you tonight, I mean, Friday night. God I don't even know what day it is, I think it's Sunday. I've been having these feelings recently, ones I'm not sure how to feel. Towards a certain person. But I don't know what they feel towards me. We've been friends for a long time and I'm worried that if I tell this person how I feel...it'll ruin everything. I suppose I could talk to Gwen or Morgana about it but I somehow feel more comfortable talking to you.'  
  
Nothing.  
  
He didn't know what else to do. So he spoke to Merlin's still form for 2 hours. By 3 O'clock, he had become tired again and began to doze with his head laid on Merlin's bedside. At one point he heard the door open and voices.  
  
 _'We should leave him. He's asleep.'_  
  
 _'Merlin's fine whilst Arthur's with him.'_  
  
The door closed again.  
  


**\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**There's probably some mistakes with the injuries or medical jargon in either this chapter or later ones, I did try and research but sometimes you can't trust everything you read. So sorry. But thanks for reading. :) See you soon.**


	3. Arthur's Sleeping Beauty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I mentioned it in my last chapter notes but I'll say it again. I know for sure that Merlin would not recouperate this quickly after the injuries I gave him, but I needed to do so in order to move the story along to the plot I'd come up with, plus I would probably have lost my writing flow if I'd have gone down the line of Merlin being in a coma for longer. So ignore that little inaccuracy please.

_The car flew, it spun, a whole 360 degrees, and landed on it's left side. Arthur's head pounded and he could hear himself calling Merlin's name. The sound of the door being ripped open and people shouting. Someone was breaking the window...the glass smashed..._  
  
Arthur jolted awake. He looked up to see Merlin in the same position. But...wait...he had a red tinge to his cheeks, and his lips were pinker than before. His lips were parted and he was no longer relying on the oxygen tubes in his nose.  
  
'Merl? You there?' He picked up his friends hand again, noticing how it was now warm, but he put it down to the fact he'd been holding it for the last 8 hours. It was now 11 O'clock, he'd fallen asleep at 3.   
  
Holding his head in one hand, Arthur took a few deep breaths to try and rid himself of the sleep.   
  
A twitch.  
  
He hadn't noticed it.  
  
Another twitch, more pressure this time.  
  
Arthur's head darted up, looking first at the face of his friend and then his hand. Merlin's hand squeezed Arthur's and didn't let go, they stayed that way for half a minute.   
  
'Merl?'  
  
'Yeah?' The voice was hoarse but it was there.  
  
'Oh thank god. Merlin.' Arthur sat up onto the side of Merlin's bed and stroked some matted hair from the boy's face. His temperature was now that of a healthy human. Slowly, the eyes opened, those blue orbs- yet slightly dimmer- shone out at Arthur.  
  
'Hey you.' Merlin whispered.  
  
'I thought I'd lost you.' Right now, Arthur didn't care what kind of feelings he was showing. He was honestly just caring for his best friend.  
  
'Ahh, you can't get rid of me that easily.' His brow creased. 'How are you?'  
  
'Better now I'll tell you that.'  
  
The two friends shared a smile, both drank some water and talked for half an hour before Arthur realised he should probably tell someone the clotpole was awake. He smiled to himself again.  
  
'Mentally calling me a clotpole?'  
  
'How the hell could you possibly know that?' He had gotten up and was now pulling on his dressing gown, he wasn't keen on showing his friends his bare arse.  
  
'You have the same look on your face when you're thinking about saying it. Then you look amused thinking about how I'd react to you.'  
  
'Ok then, thanks Sherlock.'  
  
He walked to the door and saw no-one outside. Weird. He opened the door and hadn't walked 6 paces down the hall to find a room with all their friends and family sat inside, talking to a doctor- though it wasn't Matthew. Opening the door, they all turned to him, smiling, though he could see they were all upset and tired.  
  
'I just thought I'd best come and tell someone...Sleeping beauty woke up. _Bloody hell_!' The last exclamation was due to the whole room erupting, everyone was up on their feet and racing towards the door. Arthur turned to see everybody stopped outside his room, with Matthew standing in front of them.  
  
'Give me a few minutes with him first please. And Arthur...'  
  
'Yeah?'  
  
'Get back in here, you shouldn't be moving this much.' Matthew jerked his thumb behind him to indicate the room, and then followed Arthur back inside, closing the door to a collectively disappointed moan.  
  
'Did I hear you call me sleeping beauty?' Merlin had become a little paler but he still had that sarcastic bite to his words.  
  
'Maybe I did and maybe I didn't. What of it?' Arthur had already taken up his seat next to Merlin when Matthew began checking up on him.  
  
'I did tell you about the buzzer did I not?' The young doctor's gaze was humorous.  
  
'You sure did doc, but I forgot, what with all the excitement. Plus I thought you'd be around somewhere close.'  
  
'It's a good job Merlin here had the instinct to press the button that said _'Doctor'_ on it then. I can see who's the brains of this operation.' He winked at Merlin and smiled. Yes, Arthur definitely liked this doctor, he thought about hiring him as his personal medical adviser.  
  
'So how is he? He looks paler than he did before I left.'  
  
' _He_ is sat right here!' Merlin quipped.  
  
'You're ok. He's ok.' Matthew said it twice, once to each person, so that they were both reassured. 'Just a little tired I expect. Does anywhere hurt?'  
  
'Erm...how about everywhere.'   
  
'Anywhere specific? Anything stand out more than the rest?'  
  
'Nope.'  
  
'OK. Well I'd say he's fine. I'll just put a little more morphine into your drip, but not enough to send you back to sleep just yet. Though I expect you'll be out again before the hour's up.  You ready for the chaos? Or do you want me to only send in a few?' He signaled behind him to show he meant the rowdy bunch outside.  
  
'No, may as well get it all over with in one go. Plus, if I get sleepy I can blame them.'  
  
'Ok. Well, I'll say it one more time- For Arthur's sake- press THAT button if you need me. Even for something as silly as a bad headache, I need to know. OK?'  
  
'Yeah. Thanks.'  
  
'You've got a good friend you know.' He nodded his head in Arthur's direction, a knowing smile playing on his lips.  
  
'Yeah. I know.' Merlin's smile was genuine. And it seemed more than a thankful smile, it seemed to have something behind it. No, Arthur was delusional from having him back. That was all. But the way Matthew looked at them both was something too...  
  
'Can I have a word please Matthew? Whilst Merlin has his company.'  
  
'Of course. Remember...button.' He smiled at Merlin then walked out with Arthur in tow. 'You can go in. But remember he'll be tired, so just let him fall asleep if he needs to.'   
  
The group rushed in and Arthur followed Matthew to a seat in the family waiting room.  
  
'I know this is forward but are you....gay?'  
  
'How did you know?' The young man didn't seem offended at all by the question.  
  
'When you were checking over me earlier and you're wallet fell out, I saw a picture of you and a guy. You didn't look like brothers and the picture was too friendly for just friends.'  
  
'And you want to know if Merlin likes you.' It wasn't a question, it was a statement.  
  
'Hell, is everyone I know Sherlock Holmes? Merlin guessed what I was thinking earlier and now you.'  
  
'Well I could say the same. Most people who see that picture think It's my brother or cousin.'  
  
'Ok then. I'll give you that one. But yes. I'm having strange feelings about him and I'm a little confused.'  
  
'Well, I don't know much about either of you, and of course I know less of Merlin, but I'm pretty sure your feelings are going to be heightened towards him due to the fact you almost lost him.'  
  
'Yeah, I thought that myself. But I had feelings before the crash. They weren't as strong but...sometimes I would just catch a glimpse of him and stare for far longer than a straight friend would, or should. I would sometimes begin to get a little turned on if he was dressed in a certain way. And his smile....' At this, Arthur completely trailed off, smiling to himself and looking up at the ceiling, picturing the smile he knew he had been close to losing forever.   
  
'I think you've just answered your own question there buddy.' Matthew put his hand on Arthur's shoulder and squeezed slightly.  
  
'Half my own question. I figured out I like Merlin, but I haven't figured out if Merlin likes me. We've been friends for 11 years and I do not want to throw that down the drain. Could you ask him?'  
  
'Woah! I'm a doctor, for injuries. Not a psychiatrist or one of those 'find yourself' type of people. I think that over the next few months, you and Merlin shall figure a lot out about one another. You're going to have to be there for each other because things are going to come racing back, the memories, pain, and he especially, is going to need someone. Times like these are when you find most out about a person. That's all I'm going to say. I'll be around until you two leave this place but here's my card in case you need to talk after. Even if you're worried about something or want to ask about little things like not sleeping properly. OK?'  
  
Taking the card from Matthew, Arthur was pretty sure he would be ringing this number within the next few months. 'Thank you. He will be ok won't he?'  
  
'You both will. Just beware for post-traumatic symptoms, even miniscule things like getting dizzy more often, nausea, or heightened anxiety. You'll both likely have some symptoms but Merlin will be prone to them. In fact if I'm honest, I expect him to have some issues; his trauma was one of the worst I've seen. But yes, I know, with each other- and that band of lunatics you call your friends- you are both going to be absolutely fine. ' He smiled at his patient and Arthur couldn't help but think how this young man could easily have been his older brother or cousin. In fact, he almost wished this guy was his older brother or cousin.  
  
'I should get back to him, see if he's asleep yet. I honestly don't know how to put into words how grateful I am to you. For everything; the doctor stuff, the honesty, and the advice. I've always hated doctors and nurses but you're different, you don't seem so...restricted and up yourself.'  
  
They both laughed, 'Well thanks, I think. But yes, you best get back to him. I'll be in later to check on you both. Get going buddy.' He ruffled Arthur's hair as if he'd known him for years and they went their separate ways.  
  
He walked back into the room to find Merlin asleep and everyone smiling. When Arthur came back, they all made excuses to get back to work, or go home to shower; they had been in the hospital for nearly 4 days straight. Arthur said his goodbyes and went and sat next to Merlin.  
  
'Have they gone?' The voice was so small Arthur nearly missed it. Merlin was still feigning sleep and spoke out of the corner of his mouth.   
  
Arthur laughed. 'Yeah, all gone. Just you and me.'  
  
'Remind me never to get hospitalised again. They get all fussy and annoying.'  
  
'Oh I know, tell me about it.'  
  
'You're the worst!' Merlin's voice rose with humour and mockery and the two boys were both laughing.  
  
'There's that smile.' Before Arthur knew what he was doing he leaned down into a kiss, which was, much to his surprise, reciprocated.

**\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but I sat staring at it for ages and couldn't imagine how to improve it so I left it. All chapters are written so I may see you in a few days or a week or so, depending on how much time I have to get them up. I don't own Merlin and all mistakes are my own, no beta. :)**


	4. Back to life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reviews/follows. Still not pleased with some parts of these chapters but later ones I'm happy about so I'll plod on. Again, all mistakes my own and I don't own Merlin.  
> My main plot feature begins in this chapter which I researched as much as possible, but I'll A/N about it when it comes up more in later chapters.

'I don't hate you you know.' The pair were currently sat in a waiting area whilst their family and friends were being advised on precautions and things to look out for post-crash. The last few days had been odd, Merlin had slept most of the time but when he woke up he said little, and what he did say was usually things about how rubbish hospital food and telly was. Arthur had been allowed to walk about more too, which meant he could give his 'friend' as much room as possible. This was the first direct thing he had said since the kiss.  
  
'Really? 'Cos it sure looks like you do.' Arthur couldn't quite keep the snide comment from escaping his lips, and regretted it when it did.  
  
'I just...I don't feel right at the moment. Everything's jumbled up and I'm not sure what I'm feeling is actual emotions or some twisted result of the crash. Please...' At this, he leant over to Arthur, took his hand in his and looked him straight in the eye. 'Don't hate me.'  
  
'I could never hate you.' With his free hand, he cupped Merlin's left cheek and did not break the gaze until the door clicked open. The pair fell apart and acted as natural as possible.  
  
'Ok. We're all good to go now sweetheart. You're in our capable hands now.' Hunith's smile was enough to light up the darkest of rooms.  
  
Merlin giggled. 'I've seen you with the dishes, and I'd rather not be in your hands.' He lowered his voice and mumbled. 'Plates smashed everywhere.'  
  
Everyone laughed except for his Uncle Gauis who gave him a firm yet affectionate clip round the ear.  
  
'Oh Uncle, you know he was only joking. Anyway, it's good to have the old Merlin back.' She smiled once more and moved to pick up the boys' bags before walking off down the corridoor. The entire group followed.   
  
Yeah, it is great to have the old Merlin back. Arthur was smiling again at the best news he'd had in nearly 2 weeks, Gwaine prodded him in the side. 'Looks like he's thinking about your word again Merlin!'  
  
'Shakespeare's!' Gwen's voice sang from just up ahead, and the whole group was in stitches as they left the hospital's main entrance- well the teenagers were anyway, the parents had no clue what-so-ever.  
  
XXXXXXX   
  
For once in his life, Arthur was looking forward to going back to college that morning. It had been a month since the accident and the two boys had been told to stay off school for one week longer, just to recuperate. And in that time, he hadn't seen Merlin. He had wanted to see him, but it was a varied mix of being a little under the weather to go, Merlin being ill and also not wanting to push the boy more. He had lost count of how many texts he'd sent to Merlin, yet could count on 1 hand how many he'd received back. _So much for not hating him._  
  
'Don't even look at my car. I don't give you permission to look at my car. It's a pile of shit!' These were the first words that escaped his lips as he parked in his usual spot and greeted his friends.  
  
'Aww, daddy not trust you with a new one?' For this, Elyan got a smack around the head and a very strict ' _oi_ ' from Gwen. 'Sorry. It was a joke.'  
  
'I know. But to answer your question I may be getting a new one, but it just depends if the dealership is actually selling me it. Something about the owner who sold them it wants it back or something ridiculous. So for now I've got this pile of crap.'  
  
'I think it's cute.' Merlin hadn't been a part of the group when Arthur pulled up, so they all jumped when his voice rang out behind them. 'I love Beetles. Especially the old style. You should paint it up like Herbie.'  
  
His voice was different somehow. This was the first thing Arthur noticed, but put it down to the fact that he probably hadn't used it much in a month and was still recovering slightly from it all.  
  
'Maybe I should. Even if I don't use it, Morgana would love it, she adores those movies.'  
  
'Where is she?' Gwen was on her tip toes looking for the other raven haired member of their group- gosh...she and Merlin would make such a good couple. Eurghh, now he was just confusing himself, he didn't know if to get the boy himself or let his sister have him! _Don't be idiotic_ , the voice of reason shouted, _he's your friend, not a toy you used to bicker over as children._  
  
'Oh, she's got a free this morning, she'll be in at dinner.' He locked his car and began walking to their seating area where they sat every morning until lesson time.  
  
'Is she ever actually in? I swear she spends more time at home.' Leon chuckled and shook his head in exasperation.  
  
'I know. Pisses me off tons. Lucky witch.' Now Gwen was smacking him round the back of the head. Throwing his arms up in the air, he decided to leave the conversation there, he didn't want another headache.  
  
 _Merlin was awfully quiet._

XXXX

'Do you think Merlin is ok?' Arthur was in Chemistry with Lancelot, currently throwing numerous powders and metals into fire to see what colour they burnt. He knew Lancelot was quiet but very observant so thought he'd be the best person to ask.  
  
'Yeah. I did think that. Everytime I looked at him he was staring at the floor looking either upset, in pain or confused. Maybe he's just tired, plus he hasn't been at school in a month and I've already seen a crowd around him asking what happened. Maybe it's all just a bit too much all of a sudden.'  
  
'Do you think I should talk to him? Just the two of us?'  
  
'You said yourself you haven't spoken since the hospital, and even that wasn't much, so yeah. Just check up on him. Like that Matthew said, you two are gong to be going through a lot for a few weeks.'  
  
'Thanks Lance, I know I could always count on you.'  He cut the gas to the bunsen burner, packed the equipment away and began to note down his findings. He'd probably leave the graph to Lancelot, he hated those, and he expected the little squares to no doubt give him a headache. After Chemistry was break, he would ask Merlin then if all was ok.  
  
X  
  
'Can I have a word please Merlin?' The smaller boy looked up from whatever book he was now emerged in and nodded slightly. 'Don't panic, there's nothing to worry about.'  
  
Arthur led Merlin over to a tree, the group usually sat here in the summer but the ground got muddy in the typical English weather they were now experiencing- autumn really  had hit during the time they were in hospital.  
  
'I'm worried about you. Are you sure everything is ok? And don't give me some half baked lie because I know you, and everyone else has said the same. I know it must be hard, and believe me, I'm finding it all difficult too since the crash but...you seem extra off your game.'  
  
'I suppose people just deal with things differently. Yes Arthur, I'm fine. I just don't sleep well and you know how I get when I've not had enough sleep. Honestly, I'm just tired and my head keeps playing up. If anything happens I promise you'll be the first to know.' Merlin had looked up into his eyes, but there was something in them Arthur hadn't ever seen before; was it fear? Pain? Upset?  
  
'Ok. Please, don't ever be scared to tell me something. There was one more thing I wanted to ask about.' Now his heartbeat was racing, he'd actually hoped Merlin had said something to take his own mind of the subject that had kept him up at night, but he felt if he didn't say anything now, he maybe never would.  
  
'Go on.'  
  
'You and me? We're best friends, always have been, and when I thought I'd lost you my whole world fell apart. But, neither of us can deny that we...kissed. I'm sorry I did that but, well I don't know. No, you know what, I'm not sorry, because I liked it and _oh shit_ this isn't how I wanted this to go.' IDIOT! Putting his face in his hands he shook his head and let out a deep, disappointed sigh.   
  
'I said I didn't hate you. Obviously you don't believe me. Some friendship.' From the comfort of his hands, Arthur heard the movement of fabric and the cold air hit him as the warmth of his friend left his side. Looking up, he saw Merlin walking away.  
  
'Merls, wait. No...please!' _What the **hell** had just happened?_ His friend didn't walk back to their group. Instead he walked off in the direction of the library. The whole group turned, looked dumbfounded at Arthur then began racing over to him. What filled his ears was a mixture of complaints, _'what did you do'_ , questions, _'is he ok?'_ , and general annoyance, _'trust you to mess it up.'_ 'SHUT UP! I didn't do fuck all.'  
  
At that, he picked up his bag and walked off after his friend. Something was wrong, even if Merlin did hate him he wouldn't have reacted like that. Merlin has never walked away from Arthur in his entire life.  
  
After jogging for about 5 minutes, he saw the raven hair round a corner- definitely heading for the library. He knew there was a disabled toilet round the corner and really hoped it wasn't being used. Catching up, he opened the door and yanked Merlin in after him. Locking the door and ignoring the complaints, he wheeled round and pinned his friend to the wall- the whole event had clearly pissed him off.  
  
'What the fuck are you playing at! You never walk away from me. Now i don't know what's going off but something has clearly got you messed up and I am not going to stand back and watch it eat away at you knowing I can help. Now bloody tell me.' For good measure, he hit the wall next to Merlin's face with his fist.  
  
'So you want to help by pinning me to the wall and near-enough threatening me. Is that how things work now?' Tears had filled Merlin's eyes and his whole body shook as he tried to hold in the sobs. Arthur had never seen him this way before.  
  
'TELL ME!' Well this must have been a day for new things, because Arthur had never been angry at Merlin before, and he was even using the anger he kept up to throw at his Father.  
  
Merlin crumbled, actually crumbled. Sliding down the wall and sitting in a heap with his knees brought up to his chest, his arms folded round himself and his whole head bowed so it rested on his own knees.  He could no longer hold in the tears and Arthur watched as he openly cried, and he didn't mean the crying you saw when you'd seen a sad movie, he meant the crying when a person's whole life collapses and they completely give up.  
  
'Oh god, Merlin I am so sorry. I'm such a fucking twat.' Falling into place beside Merlin, he wrapped his arms around the trembling boy and held him as close as he could without cutting off his air supply and hurting his recovering ribs. 'Please. Just tell me what's wrong. I may not be a genius but I know you're not right. Just tell me so I can help you.' Great, now he was crying.  
  
'It's all so messed up.'  
  
'What is?'  
  
'Everything.'  
  
'I need a bit more Merl.'  
  
'You, the crash, my head.'  
  
'Well, I'm not important. The crash, well that's understandable, they said we'd both be a little nervy for a few months. You have no idea how sick I felt driving to school this morning. But your head? What do you mean by that?' At that, everything went through his mind, Matthew had said the likelihood of a resulting tumor was low but panic still went through him, if Merlin was having bad headaches, it could be disastrous.  
  
'I can't explain it. It feels weird. I'm not sleeping, I get dizzy, I feel sick nearly 24/7, I'm having mood swings, I can't concentrate and it's all too much. I don't like it. It's constantly a dull ache and no amount of tablets will take it off. I just want it all to go away.' That was it, he was reduced to sobbing again and Arthur had no way to respond other than to hold him tighter.  
  
'How long?'  
  
'Since the day I woke up. But the first few weeks I just thought it was because of my injuries and all the morphine making me sick, but since I've come home it's gotten worse. Nothing severe but it's enough to annoy the hell out of me. And anyway, what do you mean you're not important. You matter.'  
  
'What?' Then he remembered how he'd said that he wasn't important in the list of things that were upsetting Merlin. 'Oh, that. Well, not at the moment. You've got enough to deal with without me coming and sticking my nose in.'  
  
Merlin pulled away from Arthur and looked him in the eyes, his were wet but it just illuminated the blue even more. 'You will always matter. Whether we're best friends or...' He trailed off, looked away from Arthur and seemed to come to a decision on the spot. Turning his full gaze back on Arthur, the boy pulled in close and kissed him. He stayed there, it lasted nearly 10 seconds and when he pulled away his eyes were closed and he wore a smile on his face.  
  
'I'm not sure what I want yet, I'm still confused but I know one thing...that when you kissed me in the hospital, I felt a little bit of myself come out of the darkness. Like the first flowers pushing through the snow, I didn't feel quite so lost.'  
  
Arthur honestly had nothing to say, and that was a massive thing for Arthur, so instead, he pulled the now smiling boy closer to him and kissed him once more firmly on the lips. He moved one hand to the back of Merlin's neck and gently stroked the slightly curly hair. Pulling away, he smiled and said, 'I didn't know you could be so cheesy.'  
  
'Oh shut up.' A friendly push and a sarcastic, 'Clotpole.'  
  
'Good job Gwen's not here, she may kill you for saying that. Come on, I need at least some break before next class. I've got 2 hours of business. Seriously, couldn't dad just tell me what I needed to know. I don't even know if I want to carry on his bloody company.'  
  
'Do you think one of us should go out alone, we don't want this going around the school before we're even sure.'  
  
'Good idea. I'll go first, make sure it's safe then knock on the door for you to come out. All I'm going to say is it's a good job I chose a toilet and not a closet, else otherwise that would have been too ironic.'  
  
He did just that. Leaving the toilet as normally as possible, he checked the corridoor. When he was sure no-one was there, he knocked twice on the door and was met seconds later by a laughing Merlin. 'What?'  
  
'No, just the thought of us coming out of a toilet instead of the proverbial closet.'  
  
Arthur clamped Merlin in a headlock and walked outside monkey scrubbing the boys hair. _Wow it was soft and shiny._ Ok, if he needed any more evidence of being gay, that was most certainly it.  
  
He realised he'd better not hold his arm round Merlin for too long, there was a time limit between friends and boyfriends. And a rumor of their relationship going around the school was the last thing Merlin needed right now. _Were they even in a relationship?_ No, Merlin had said he wasn't sure what he wanted, but that was right before they shared 2 relatively long kisses for a pair who weren't in a relationship.  
  
As if reading his mind Merlin whispered, 'This is between us. Until we're both certain. Is that ok?'  
  
'Most definitely. Let's get you sorted first eh?'  
  
'Oh there you are! I couldn't choose between whether you'd killed or bedded one another.'  
  
 _'Gwaine!'_ This was the entire group, even Merlin and Arthur, but Arthur hoped that no-one saw the slight blush that now played on his cheeks. __  
  



	5. Can I tell you something?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the favourites and follows. I appreciate them. As always, I don't own Merlin.

'Can we have a chat?'  
  
Arthur knew that he shouldn't really just walk into Morgana's room, but what with everything, his mind was elsewhere and he didn't stop to think.  
  
'Once you've knocked, then we...' Morgana trailed off when she looked up and caught sight of her brother's face. Arthur hadn't looked in a mirror recently so couldn't think what she saw, but he knew in himself that he felt pity, shame and like a completely lost puppy. 'Forget the knocking. Of course, I'm only reading. Come on, sit down.'  
  
After Morgana cleared a space on her bed for him, Arthur joined her. The pair were always close, though they did have their fights, as with any siblings. Arthur even thought back to the time he had tried to get Morgana and Merlin together; there was a small part of him that wanted to do it so he could keep Merlin close- it would only have worked if they'd gotten married though, so it was a bloody long shot.  
  
'What would you say if I told you I had feelings for a friend?' He wasn't going to give too much away just yet.  
  
'Then I'd say, what were you waiting for, get going,  and make a move.'  
  
'What if I told you that said friend wasn't.....a female?' He scrunched his face up waiting for the verbal attack.  
  
'Then I'd say, what were you waiting for, get going and make a move.' She smiled, and placed a hand on his shoulder. 'But there's way more to it than meets the eye isn't there?'  
  
Nodding, and smiling slightly he replied, 'You have no idea.'  
  
'Then tell me and I can help. Or at least give it a go.' She scooted closer to Arthur and the pair ended up with their backs leaning on the wall, legs spread over the bed, and arms around each other. This was their usual position when having a heart to heart talk.  
  
'I've been friends with them for a long time and on my list of concerns, the top one is that I'm going to screw the friendship up.'  
  
'So it's Merlin.'  
  
'Oh my god. Really? Come on!'  
  
'It's bloody obvious Arthur, the way you pretty much fussed over him more than any of us did in the hospital.'  
  
'I thought I'd killed him Morg. Of course I'm going to fuss over someone I thought I'd killed.'  
  
'Ok. Sorry. Go on.'  
  
'Well, I don't really know what to say next. I don't want to screw it up, and what with everything that's going on he said he doesn't know how to feel.'  
  
'Woah. What? You've discussed this with him already?'  
  
'Sort of. He was acting up at school and I shoved him into a disabled toilet- don't get any ideas before you start- and asked him what was up? Then I shouted, he cried, and he told me he wasn't feeling well and I said I'd look after him and then...well...we kissed.'  
  
At this, Morgana pulled away, am enormous smile on her face and raised her hands to cover her mouth. 'Aww! Oh gosh. That's so beautiful. Arty, I never knew you had it in you.'  
She shoved him lightly in the shoulder. 'So, then what?'  
  
'We kissed again, chatted a little longer and left.'  
  
'So why exactly did you ask me to help. It's obvious he likes you back, just get on with it.'  
  
'That's the thing, he said he wasn't sure if his feelings were genuine or something made up by his head. He's not been right since the crash.'  
  
'Arthur, no head injury can make up love for someone.'  
  
'No, but they can take an emotion and rip it all out of proportion. He said he screamed at his mother the other day for making him a brown bread sandwich instead of white. So what if he does love me, but more as a brother and his brain's confusing him to make him think it's love love?'  
  
'That's a point. I've read many cases in psychology about people who get married to a someone who helped them recover from a brain injury because they confuse gratitude for love and affection. Or once, there was this woman who didn't remember anything at all and she...'  
  
'Morgana!'  
  
'Sorry, not helping. But, maybe just give it a while, until he begins to get better, and then ask him again. No point in letting the whole world know yet though, the attention will scare him.'  
  
'Yeah he said the exact same thing to me. Only you know, so you know what I'm going to say next don't you?' He pointed his finger right at her nose, warning in his eyes. Though he knew Morgana would never say a word.  
  
'Lips are sealed. It's Gwaine you need to be careful of. You know how much he sucks at keeping secrets.'  
  
'Good point.' He thought a moment. 'You aren't mad I might be gay?'  
  
'Why in the hell would I be mad? Or disappointed? Or upset? You are my brother, always will be, whatever you choose in life. As long as you don't become some boring workaholic, suit wearing mardy arse, 'cos then I'd have to physically slap you silly.' She laughed and kissed him.  
  
'Ouch. What am I sat on?' Pulling out one of Morgana's childhood bears, he held it up and grimaced. 'You may want to wash that. I've just come from the gym.'  
  
'I wondered what that smell was...get out. You gross yucky boy.'  
  
'Oh yeah, mature. You 10 year old girl.'  
  
That was it, they were play fighting all over the floor now, rolling over one another, slapping and tickling each other.  
  
'Ok stop, stop. I really have to pee.'  
  
'Eurghh, get out!' Arthur allowed himself to be shoved by his little sister out of the door.   
  
Well that was one person who was ok with his news; the only slapping he next expected would be from his devastated father trying to hit the gay out of him.  
  
Deciding he would leave it for a couple of months (maybe his entire life if he could), he went to meet Gwen and Leon for a study date, secretly hoping Merlin would be there too.


	6. Something's Wrong!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so in this chapter I get more into the main issue with Merlin. I want to say that I have no experience of the issue, only what I've seen on television and what I read about online. I did read numerous things about it but obviously I still may have gotten a few things wrong. The issue is similar to PTSD but more for head trauma. Anyway, I'll shut up and let you read, sorry if I have done something wrong.

'Where's Leon and Gwen?' The group met at Leon's house every 2 weeks to go over anything they were struggling with at school. So it was now a common thing for Arthur to just let himself in, today, he'd walked in to find Merlin on his own at the table. Arthur didn't want to think about how pale his friend looked.  
  
'Oh, erm, Gwen's phone rang, and I think Leon's getting drinks. I told him to bring you an orange, no bits.' Now he was smiling. Oh, just like a boyfriend to know how he liked his drinks. _Or just a really good old friend you lunatic._  
  
'Thanks. How are you doing? How's your head?'  
  
'Been better.'   
  
Now he looked closer, Arthur saw a bruise on Merlin's right temple which hadn't been there before. 'What happened?' He sat beside Merlin and instinctively brought his hand up to his friend's head, stroking it.  
  
'I'm not sure. I was in my room, got up to close my curtains, went dizzy and then the next thing I woke up on the sofa with mum sat beside me and uncle Gauis filling a glass with water. They said they heard a massive crash and found me on the floor.'  
  
Arthur knew Merlin's uncle was a retired doctor, and so knew he would be in safe hands, but he checked anyway. 'So you're ok. No concussion or anything?'  
  
'No, I'm fine. Nothing can top the headaches now so...'  
  
'You're still having them?' It was now 7 weeks after the crash.  
  
'Oh, there you are. Didn't think we would be honoured with your presence my lord.' It was a normal thing for the group to call Arthur a prince, what with his family's fame and the amount of money he had to throw about. Leon had walked in just as Merlin was about to talk to him, but it was too suspicious to tell him to leave.  
  
'Yeah, Morgana decided she wanted a chat so I got held up.'  
  
'What kind of a chat?'  
  
'Future crap. Y'know, University, jobs...babies.' It was a well acted lie, he even shuddered when he said 'babies.'  
  
'Oh gosh. Anyway, orange, and water for Merlin. Are you sure you don't want any aspirin?'  
  
'No thanks. I'm fine.' Merlin had obviously let Leon know he had a bad head, but Arthur expected it was probably more regarding the bruise than the underlying issue.  
  
Gwen then walked in. 'Hey. Sorry, it was just Morgana, homework question for sociology.'  
  
The group all sat down and decided what they would be working on this week. They chose history for Merlin and Arthur, and English for  all of them. Getting easily through the history section, they moved on to English. Currently, they were studying classics and how they accurately represented the 19th century. Arthur loved the fantasy ones like Dracula, Journey to the Centre of the Earth, and Treasure Island, but he hated the lovey dovey crap like Pride and Prejudice.  
  
The past half hour had been filled with silence as the group focused on the essays they were writing, only glancing up on occasion to check a quote or book reference. Arthur had finished a full page about Pride and Prejudice, much to his surprise, and glanced over at Merlin as he stretched for another sheet of paper. The boy was hunched over completely, his cheeks and ears the only visible features of his face.  He wasn't sure, but it looked like he was crying, judging by the blotches of water droplets on his long forgotten work. He had seen Merlin write the first sentence over half an hour ago, and it had not been added to since. Throwing a crumpled ball of paper at Gwen, who silently looked up with anger filled eyes, he nodded to Merlin. She forgot her anger and poked Leon, who also now looked upon their friend. The three of them knew something was bitterly wrong, but it was Gwen who moved beside him and snaked her arm over his shoulders.  
  
'Merlin?'  
  
No response.  
  
'Merlin?'  
  
Still nothing.  
  
Now Arthur moved towards his friend, making Merlin piggy in the middle of him and Gwen.  
  
'Come on. Talk to us.' He moved in and whispered in Merlin's ear. 'Talk to me.'  
  
'It hurts.'  
  
'What does?' Gwen said.  
  
'My head. My eyes. My ears.'  
  
'From the fall?'   
  
'I think it goes back further than the fall doesn't it?' Arthur knew a little more than Gwen, but not as much as he wanted to.  
  
His friend nodded, which must have hurt him as he brought his hands up and held his head against a wave of pain. 'It's too bright.'  
  
Granted, it was sunny as hell outside, but in here, the light was dim and the dining room in which they sat was pretty shaded. Still, Leon got up and closed all curtains in the room, even shutting the door to the bright conservatory on the back of the house.   
  
'That's why you were closing the curtains yesterday when you fell wasn't it? Your room was too bright?'  
  
'Yeah.'  
  
Merlin reached a shaky hand to the water and took a few sips. Arthur didn't like the way his friend looked, almost as if he was about to be sick.   
  
'Do you need to go to the bathroom?' Leon must have thought the same, for he stood up and walked to the small group.  
  
'No. I feel sick a lot but I never actually am. I'll let you know if I think I am though.'  
  
'What does it feel like?' Arthur was stroking the back of Merlin's neck again, but no one was in  the mood to question the action or maybe even notice it.  
  
'Like a migraine. But all over my head. I feel sick and dizzy all the time, my ears ring and light gets too much.'  
  
'Hence you saying your head, eyes and ears hurt?'  
  
Another nod. Another wave of pain spread on the boys face.  
  
'Do you want me to take you home?' Arthur lowered his voice without thinking.  
  
'No. My mum's home and she'll worry. I just need a nap, it tends to go off after a quick sleep. Leon, is it ok if I just use your couch?'  
  
'Of course. Do you want anything?'  
  
'No.'  
  
Merlin shrugged off the help offered him from his friends and walked out of the room, swaying slightly in the doorway. Arthur made sure the boy got to the couch before pulling out his phone and wallet.  
  
'What are you doing?' Gwen asked once he'd taken his seat once again.  
  
'Matthew. He said if I had any questions to ring him. I just hope he's free to talk.'  
  
The phone rang 3 times before the familiar voice replied, _'Hello?'_  
  
'Hey, Matthew, It's Arthur....Pendragon. You, er, said to ring you if I had a question. Is now a good time?'  
  
 _'Oh, hello there. Yes, now is fine, I'm just sorting some old paperwork out. What's up?'_ The voice was still as cheery as Arthur remembered it being.  
  
'Merlin.'  
  
 _'Did you move too fast and scare him off?'_ Arthur hoped to any god he didn't believe in that the phone wasn't loud enough for his friends to hear the conversation.  
  
'No. Nothing like that. He isn't well. Hasn't been I don't think since he woke up. Don't ask me why he didn't tell you.'  
  
 _'Give me any description you can think of. Anything.'_   There was an edge of panic evident now in the young doctor's voice.  
  
'Ok. He said to me a few days ago that he has a constant headache, it doesn't even go off at night, so obviously he isn't sleeping well either. He said he's dizzy, feels sick nearly 24/7, is having mood swings and can't concentrate. And just now, we were studying with a few friends and he was in agony. His eyes are light sensitive and...I don't know,   
everything about him just seems off.'  
  
 _'Can you explain the mood swings and lack of concentration?'_  
  
'Lack of concentration is just bloody lack of concentration, there isn't any more to it!' His voice had risen and he was beginning to shout at Matthew. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, I'm just worried.'  
  
 _'Honestly, it's ok. Carry on.'_  
  
'The mood swings I don't know much about, I know he told me that he got furious at his mum the other day for the smallest of things. And that thing I asked you about, we discussed it and he said he does feel certain things, but he isn't sure if it's being heightened by the trauma.' He hoped this was enough information so Matthew understood what he was talking about but not so much that his friends caught on too.  
  
 _'It sounds like post-traumatic syndrome, or post-concussion syndrome, whichever you want to call it.'_  
  
'Before you go on, is it ok if I put you on speaker so my friends can hear too?' He lowered his voice. 'Just don't mention our conversation, please.'  
  
 _'Yes, of course, that's fine. And I won't. Doctor patient confidentiality and all that jazz.'_ He gave a small chuckle then said, _'Am I on speaker yet?'_  
  
Arthur hit the button then placed his mobile on the table. 'You are now. Go on. Oh, this is Gwen and Leon.'  
  
 _'Hello. I think I remember you both. Anyway. As I was saying, the issue I believe Merlin is suffering with is known as post- traumatic syndrome. It varies in everyone, but most can classify it as chronic tension-type headache. They're usually a steady ache of both sides of the head and last all day, the intensity is usually dull to moderate but often can become severe bouts of pain. The severe aches can be described as migraine like, which would then explain his nausea, sensitivity to light and his ear aches.'_  
  
'He did say it was like a migraine. Sorry go on.' Gwen reddened slightly at interrupting the doctor.  
  
 _'It is ok Gwen. It is sounding more likely. Other symptoms include dizziness, ringing ears, blurry vision. Also psychological symptoms like depression, anxiety, personality changes, disturbance of sleep and of course, mood swings. What's he like retaining attention and memory?'_  
  
'Well, we don't really know. He's been put in a separate class at the moment to catch up with what he's missed, so he isn't in lesson with us. Except this week he moved back in, but I didn't notice anything. His memory isn't brilliant either, he had difficulty remembering who Jules Verne was earlier.'  
  
 _'Not everyone knows who he is Arthur?'_  
  
'No, but Merlin does, and especially when we're studying him in English, and have been for the past 2 months.'  
  
 _'That settles it then. It isn't permanent, but it will be a difficulty in the next few months. Most sufferers tend to get better after about 5 months.'_  
  
'5 months!? We've got exams in 3. These are A-Levels. If he fails them, he'll lose university offers.' Arthur was in shock, he couldn't believe Merlin may miss out on his future because of this stupid crash.  
  
'Doctor...erm Matthew. I've just looked on my laptop, and it says some sufferers can have it for years.' Leon had his laptop in front of him and he typed away numerous searches.  
  
 _'That is true. But that is when the person isn't surrounded by the great friends I know Merlin has. The normal medicines for headaches won't work, but anti-depressants and migraine pills will help a little.'_  
  
'Anti-depressants? Matthew, is he...does he need to be on suicide watch?'  
  
 _'I doubt it. He'll show signs of depression but I don't think you need to go as far as that. I know it sounds extreme but it will help. However, the most common ways of treatment are just treating him normally, in relation to his chemical imbalance of the brain.'_  
  
'English Matthew.' Arthur didn't have the patience for doctor talk.  
  
 _'The trauma will have confused his brain, it won't be able to feel happiness in the same way it used to be able to. So the way to correct it is to dispel the negativity now taking over him. It's like a touchpad phone, it goes out of calibration and you just need to re-calibrate it to get it right again.'_  
  
'I'm with you. Nice explanation doc.'  
  
 _'Well Merlin did tell me you were a bit of a simpleton with some things.'_ He laughed, and so did his friends.  
  
'Remind me to thank him for that. So how do we re-calibrate him?'  
  
 _'Re-socialise him. Remind him of the good old days and the happy things in life. Also mix in a bit of therapy and relaxation techniques and within a few months he should be right as rain. I'll send you a pack through to give you more info, and some numbers to ring for treatment. Until then, just keep him happy and try to make him do things like go bowling, or a party. But no alcohol or smoking, that will only worsen it. And as a doctor I have to advise you not to do that anyway, bad for your young health.'_   He chuckled lightly, which brought a smile to Arthur's face.  
  
'Thank you. I don't want to bother you anymore so I'll let you go. We'll keep an eye on him. Thank you again Matthew, it means a lot.'  
  
 _'You are very welcome. Yes, I've got your address in front of me, so I'll get that out by tomorrow. I want to come and see him one day soon too, so I'll get back to you on that one. How are you doing anyway?'_  
  
'Fine thanks.'  
  
 _'Ok. Then I'll let you go. Speak soon, and keep studying, no alcohol. Goodbye Gwen and Leon._ '  
  
'Bye Matthew.' The group said in unison, and the phonecall ended.  
  
'Well shit.' Leon now held a look on his face that was a mixture of worry and sadness. Gwen openly cried. It wasn't serious, but they didn't realise how much Merlin was suffering, and as his friends, they should have.  
  
'We'll get him through this. We will.' Arthur put one hand on Gwen's arm and the other on Leon's. 'As well as those other crazy idiots we call friends. I'm sure Gwaine can bring a smile to his face with his ridiculous impressions of a lion he does.'  
  
'Lion? I thought he was being a wolf?' Leon laughed and Arthur joined him.  
  
Gwen smiled but was still a little shook up. 'I'm going to go. If that's ok?'  
  
'Yeah, of course. Thanks for the essay help and, the Merlin help. We still on for tomorrow?'  
  
'Definitely. Yours or mine?' Gwen was getting up and placing her things in her bag.  
  
'Mine. Then I can thrash you at tennis afterwards too.' The two were planning on taking a jog around the local fields, it wasn't often they got time to themselves and Gwen said she wanted to get fitter.   
  
'You are so on. Look after him will you.'  
  
'Of course I will.'  
  
She kissed them both on the cheek and looked through to the still sleeping figure of Merlin. Walking out of the door, Arthur noticed that she was holding in the tears.  
  
'We may as well get on with these essays until he wakes up. Then you can take him home.'  
  
'Good thinking batman.'  
  
Picking up his pen once again, he could think of much better things to be doing right now, rather than writing about bloody Pride and Prejudice. Number one on his mental list, holding Merlin.  
  



	7. Lost

'So where's Merlin?' Gwen had literally walked around the whole house following Arthur whilst he attempted to find his bloody keys and now stood in the door frame with her arms crossed.  
  
'What? How should I bloody know?' Arthur didn't look up from the pile of clothes he was now rifling through.  
  
'Oh. Well, Hunith said he was here. She said he came over about an hour ago.'  
  
'That's odd then. Not heard a thing from him since last night. Oh for crying out loud!' His current task of key hunting was interrupted with the phone ringing. Sighing, he picked it up. 'Hello.'  
  
 _'I'm lost. I don't remember how I got here. Arthur I'm confused...'_ It was Merlin and he sounded terrified. Arthur could almost picture the look on his face just by the sounds he was making. Gwen must have known something was wrong for she moved forward and wore a look of concern.  
  
'Ok. Merlin, I know you said you don't know where you are but I need a bit of help here. Anything familiar?' Now Gwen's face was full of horror, she had covered her mouth in her hands and had visible tears in her eyes.  Arthur was actually quite surprised how steady he was keeping himself.  
  
 _'There's a lake, and an old house. I can't see anyone, and there's no cars. Arthur I really don't know how I got here. I don't remember even leaving my house. Please...'_ The voice on the phone trailed off, one of them had lost signal, and the phone bleeped to indicate the call was over.  
  
'Shit!' Arthur began pressing buttons, rang the number 3 times and got nothing. He threw the damned thing to the wall and brought a hand up to his forehead. 'He said there's a lake, an old house but no people or cars.'  
  
'He could be at that old vicarage? There's a massive lake there.'  
  
'But that place is usually full of people, it's a good dog walking spot.' He knew Gwen was probably right, but it didn't explain the lack of people.  
  
'It's windy and cold Arthur. Not to mention it's closed now, they shut the gates at 3 in Winter.'  
  
Arthur looked at the clock, it was now nearly 4:20pm. He was actually surprised at how fast he moved now. His jacket hung off the back of the chair and he threw himself onto his bed to retrieve both the coat and his still intact phone. 'There they are!' His keys must have fallen out of his pocket when he got home last night as they now lay just tipping over the edge of his bed. 'Come on.' He practically ran out of the room with Gwen in tow. It was now starting to rain and their jog was the last thing on their minds.  
  
X  
  
The tyres on the beetle squealed as he pulled into the now vacant car park of the old vicarage hall. Gwen was right, the gates were shut and locked and he had no idea how they were going to get in. Hopping in his haste, he jumped straight onto a nearby wall and hauled himself up- wow if only his P.E. teacher could see him now. Turning as carefully as possible so not to fall off, he pulled Gwen over the same wall and they both jumped down on the other side.  
  
'I really hope you're right Gwen, I'd rather not have to explain to the cops we came here to find something that isn't here. I'm pretty sure this is breaking in.'  
  
'There's no CCTV, I don't even know why they lock it, there's nothing to steal. Come on, the lake and house are over there.' She pointed to a hidden area behind a treeline and began to run over, Arthur followed.  
  
The whole time, Arthur tried ringing Merlin's phone but it was never picked up. That's when he heard it...the familiar chiming of the tune to his friend's phone. The pair had run right up to the ruins of the house when they both began to hear the sound.  
  
'MERLIN!!' Arthur shouted the name until his lungs cried out. 'MERLIN!'  
  
'What's that?' Arthur followed Gwen's outstretched arm to a pile under a large oak tree. It didn't look anything more than a disguarded coat or picnic blanket until it moved. It wasn't much, but the wind was very low in this part of the park and it was enough to tell Arthur to run like hell to the aforementioned pile. He heard Gwen follow him.  
  
'Oh no, please!' He was talking to himself, there was no way Gwen would hear it, but it wasn't meant to be heard anyway. He fell to the floor next to the pile and scooped up the first hard thing he could find. Luckily it was Merlin's shoulders, hauling him up to his own chest and clutching him for dear life.   
  
'I've got you. I'm here. Merl?' His friend was wet through and trembling, every part of him was in spasm, and his shaking hands found it hard to even grip Arthur's jacket for support. The raven haired boy nuzzled into Arthur's warmth as far down as he could, and let out a small whimper which Arthur guessed was supposed to be an answer or some form of communication.  
  
'We'd better get him back, the rain's getting worse.' Gwen had stood up and offered her hand to Arthur. He took it and helped pull Merlin up too; it was a good thing the boy had a grip on his jacket for his legs gave out and he became a dead weight in his arms. Deciding it was the easiest option, he placed his second hand under Merlin's legs and carried him princess style in the direction of the car park. _Don't cry, he can't see you cry._  
  
Getting Merlin over the wall wasn't as disastrous as he thought it would be, he complied when Arthur told him to pull himself up and allowed Gwen to help him over the other side. Gwen got into the back of the warm car and welcomed the shivering Merlin into her arms. She sat him next to her and Arthur watched as she popped the seat belt into it's holster before setting herself up in the same way right beside him. He got into the drivers seat before looking in the rear view mirror at an all too pale figure.  
  
It was the first time he'd been in a car with Merlin since the crash, and it was obvious they were both on edge. Merlin had quickly dried out and stopped shaking but still held that pale, near death look to his face.  His eyes were darting in all directions and he never landed on one area for more than 30 seconds. One time, he caught Arthur's eye in the rear view mirror and they held the gaze for a few seconds, right up until a random car horn caused Merlin to panic and reel back in his seat. Gwen moved to hold him still, it was now her turn to catch Arthur's eyes in the mirror.  
  
'You got him?' He nodded his head slightly to indicate what he meant, though it was pretty obvious.  
  
'Yeah, he's fine.' She looked down, Merlin had his head buried in her chest; any normal situation and she would have shoved him away for being in such a risky position, but now, it was more like a mother comforting her son, she had no care where his head was, just so long as he was safe. 'What were they beeping at? Did you see?'  
  
'I think there was a rabbit in the road.' He hesitated then remembered how delicate Gwen was at the death of animals. 'They didn't hit it by the way, it ran out of the way.'  
  
'Good.' She put her other arm around Merlin, interlocking her fingers, to let him know he was in good hands and was out of harms way.   
  
Arthur couldn't help but feel the pang of jealousy that ran through him; he wanted to be the one holding Merlin in his arms.


	8. Shine a Light

Arthur had driven Merlin home. He had spoken to Hunith and Gauis personally whilst Gwen took Merlin upstairs. He explained what Matthew had told them, and how they were all going to help. He then told them what had happened that day. It had been heartbreaking to see Hunith reduced to tears and Arthur wasn't quite sure how to react. In the end, he had moved beside her and held her until she calmed down enough to ask questions.  Gauis didn't say much, other than that he'd treated a number of soldiers returned from war with similar psychological issues. Gwen returned and they both left, saying that as soon as they got more information they would come back.  
  
'Please ring me if he needs me. For anything.'  
  
Hunith had stood in front of Arthur holding his hand in hers. 'Of course I will.'  
  
The pair had only just reached the car when Arthur broke down in tears. They stood there for 5 minutes in silence as he let the tears fall, he didn't care if Hunith could see, he'd been strong for too long. Gwen just took him in her arms and held him.  
  
X  
  
That had been 3 days ago.  It was now Wednesday and Merlin hadn't returned to college. There was no sign of him, no texts had been received from him, and everytime one of the group rang him, it either rang until the answerphone got it, didn't ring at all, or was cut off from the other end.  Arthur planned on giving it until the weekend before going round, he didn't want to bother Hunith if she was stressed.  He had gotten to school earlier that day in order to hand an essay in, so was now sat waiting in their usual spot for his friends, though the group had not been complete for a number of weeks, even with Merlin present, there was a spark missing.   
  
'Still no sign?' Leon sat beside Arthur whilst the others took seats around the table. They had chosen a round table from day 1, it was special to them, a symbol of their everlasting friendship; now it was broken and had a piece missing.  
  
'No. I called Hunith last night and she said he hasn't come out of his room. I didn't get much more out of her, I could tell she was tired, close to tears just saying his name.'   
  
'Oh gosh. This is turning out to be a nightmare, how can we help him if he won't let us in?'  
  
'I think that's one part of it Gwen. I was reading the stuff Matthew posted the other day and it says that the person will become a recluse. Although they may know they need help, they won't want to feel a burden to people. I'm going round on Friday I think. Just me, too many people will crowd him.'  
  
'Good idea.' Gwaine, along with Lance, could probably be classed as next closest to Merlin after Arthur, they went back a few years longer than the others and were very supportive of one another. Now, Arthur looked to Gwaine and could see the pain in his eyes, as well as hear it in his voice. 'Let him know we're thinking of him, especially me.'  
  
'Of course. I tell you what, I really could do without school right now.'  
  
'Tell me about it.' The group said in unison. The bell rang and they moved off to their destinations; these next few days were going to be hell.  
  
X  
  
'Oh Arthur, hello sweetheart. Come on in.' Hunith had answered the door within seconds of Arthur ringing the bell, which he had been greatful for, just like his mood, the weather had turned awful and the rain lashing down cut like daggers in the harsh winds currently reaching 40 or 50 mph.    
  
'Thank you. Is it ok if I just go straight up?'  
  
Hunith nodded and put her hand on his arm, tears in eyes. 'I'll just warn you. That isn't our Merlin, but we'll find him, and we'll get him out of whatever prison he's in. And between you and me, I told him you rang the other day, and I swear I saw a hint of a smile there, and a sparkle in his eye. If you need me just shout.'  
  
Arthur ascended the stairs and walked the landing until he was outside Merlin's room. He would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous on the journey here, but now he was practically panicking. His heart felt like it was about to leap out of his chest, his hands were shaking and if there was a gust of wind like that outside, he was pretty sure he'd fall over; his whole body had turned rigid.  Knocking, he took in a breath and turned the handle to Merlin's room. The door creaked open and he was met by the sight of Merlin draped along his bed under a number of blankets, staring off into space.  
  
'You certainly have the best idea in this weather. I was freezing last night.'  
  
No response. But Arthur could have sworn he saw that glint Hunith had spoken of, just as he'd walked in. Deciding that staying away would just cause Merlin to think the worst about their friendship, he sat down on the end of the bed.  
  
'Merlin...This, really isn't...I...er...fuck!' Well that had gone well. He buried his head in his hands and let out the longest breath he thought he'd ever held. Having absolutely no idea what to say, he almost wished he'd brought Gwaine, and things must be messed up if he'd though about bringing him into the equation.  
  
'Arthur?'  
  
He was pretty sure he'd imagined it, but the voice had been too crisp and clear to be in his head. He darted up and looked down at his friend who had slightly unfurled from the blankets. He wasn't smiling, but his face wasn't as drawn or sorrowful as before, and that made Arthur hopeful.  
  
'Yep. I'm here, in all my shining glory.'  
  
'I wouldn't say shining, but a bit brighter than out there anyway.' He gestured to the window, which Arthur noticed had it's blinds drawn again.  
  
'Thanks for that Merl.' The younger boy slowly sat up and the two propped their backs up against the wall.  This was the closest they'd been for weeks. 'I need you to talk to me. I know it's going to hurt but I can't let you waste away up here. Everybody's worried sick about you. I mean look at me, have you seen me, I look like shit.'  
  
'You still look beautiful to me. Always will, whatever happens.' Merlin looked Arthur in the eyes for the first time in weeks, and he meant fully looked him in the eyes, not just a quick glance.   
  
'Talk to me.' No, of course he wasn't going to ignore the fact Merlin had just blatantly told him he was beautiful, like in a smooshy relationship way, but right now, he'd come here for one thing. He was not going to let his feelings for Merlin stop that from happening.   
  
'About what? About how I keep blacking out and ending up somewhere I don't know where I am? Or how I keep shouting at anyone and anything because they do something wrong? Or how I don't even want to leave this room in case a van somehow makes its way into my goddamn house and crashes into me? I don't know what's wrong with me and it's scaring me. I just want to go back to the way things were.'  
  
Arthur could see that his friend had completely given up, it was in the way his shoulders slumped, his whole body was loose and his eyes held none of the glimmer they usually possess. Not one hint of that smile was there, or even any humour or friendliness in his voice, it was all gone; just like Hunith had said, this was not their Merlin. For what it was worth, their Merlin had actually died in the crash.  
  
'That's what I'm here for. I've got all information about what you're going through and together, you, me, your mum, your uncle, and those crazed animals at school can get through this.  But you need to let us in and help you, we can't do this for you, as much as we want to.'  
  
'Mum got me some pills you told her about, they worked a bit. My head doesn't hurt all the time now, just occasionally.'  
  
'How often's occasionally?' Knowing it used to be 24/7, 'occasionally' could still be every waking hour of the day.  
  
'In the last 3 days? Just Monday, when they were only just getting into my system. I had a bit this morning but it only lasted about an hour, and it was quite dull. I don't feel sick as much, and the dizziness has pretty much gone.'  
  
'Your eyes still hurt though, I noticed your curtains were closed again.'  
  
'That's mainly because I couldn't get up to open them, and mum still keeps them closed in case I try to close them again.'  
  
'Well then, that's a start.' Getting up, he walked straight to the window and opened both curtains and blinds. Although it was dark outside, the room lit up a fraction more than before. 'There. Step 1, done.'  
  
Moving back to the bed, he sat down closer to his friend this time, and got his paperwork from his bag. The two sat there for 2 hours going through the information. It was only when Hunith entered that they realised how much time had past.  
  
'Arthur dear, are you staying for tea?'  
  
'Oh no, I shouldn't. I'll get going soon, just let me know when you're ready for me to go.'  
  
'No. Please, stay. For Merlin. This is the happiest I've seen him in weeks.'  
  
'Ok then.'  
  
'I'll be back up in a bit when It's ready. Carry on.' Arthur could see the thanks glistening in her eyes and smile, and this time it wasn't forced. She was genuinely pleased to see her son getting better, even if it was just for a day.  
  
'I'm pretty sure she suspects something's going on between us two y'know.'  
  
'What? No, she's just happy you're getting better. Why? Have you not spoken to her about...us..you...me...erm whatever we are, or aren't.' He really wasn't sure what to say, he didn't want to say they were in a relationship and then scare Merlin off, but he also didn't want to say they weren't in case that hurt the boy's feelings.   
  
'No, I haven't told her about us.' That was it, he'd said 'us', indicating they were a 'thing'. "Oh, here, I got you this."  
  
Merlin got up from his bed -probably for the first time in days- and went over to his desk. He rifled through a drawer and pulled out a small box. Turning around, he was hit by a wave of dizziness and Arthur saw the colour drain from his face, his smile fade and his eyes begin to roll in his head. Rushing up, he caught the boy just before he hit the floor.  
  
"I think I moved too quick."  
  
"You don't say?" The sarcasm was evident and Merlin laughed at it.  
  
"Anyway, I got you this." He handed the box to Arthur who unhooked one of his arms from around Merlin. Opening the box, he saw a ring. It wasn't one of those girly ones or anything, but a lovely old style gold signet ring, with a golden dragon perched atop a red stone. He recognized it immediately as being his family crest; Pendragon.   
  
'Merlin?! This must have cost a fortune. How...?' He completely trailed off, flabbergasted.  
  
"Actually it wasn't that much, the people who sold me it didn't think it was real, but I checked it and it's gold and ruby, there's also a sapphire in there but it needs cleaning up, I didn't get round to that. It was a few days ago, I was home alone and just had an urge to go out. I ended up in an antique shop and saw it. I hope it's ok."  
  
"It's amazing. I can't believe there's actually jewellery with my family crest on it, there's never anything with my name on it."  
  
"Well the ring's pretty old, so maybe you had some important family member who had it made, maybe they were a Lord, or an important Governmental figure....or a King!" His eyes widened and Arthur laughed.  
  
"Does that make me Prince Arthur?"  
  
"Of course. No-one can be so pompous without having royalty somewhere in their lineage."  
  
Arthur faked shock, including putting a hand over his mouth. Merlin just looked up at him before pulling him in for another one of those kisses he tends to spring on you. Out of nowhere.  
  
Arthur had absolutely no idea what his body was telling him, everything was just happening all at once and the day had turned out to be fantastic. Merlin was slowly mending, he was officially Merlin's boyfriend (even if it was between them for the foreseeable future) and he had a gorgeous ring to prove it. Lifting Merlin up, he pushed the smaller boy to the wall. Merlin must have been in the heat of the moment too for he twined his legs around Arthur's waist and held on whilst never breaking the kiss.  
  
When he began to feel weakness pull on his un-used muscles, Arthur walked over to the bed, with Merlin still in his arms. Laying Merlin underneath him, he continued to kiss that beautiful mouth. He could feel Merlin moving his hands all over his back, the soft and gentle touch spurring him on more. From beneath him, he could feel the boy's lips moving, but he wasn't sure if he was changing his kissing technique or was trying to say something.  
  
After a few more seconds it became clear Merlin was trying to speak to him, he was moving his head from side to side in order to break the kiss. It was when Arthur could feel wet tears on the boys cheeks and the muffled 'stop' coming from his lips that he realised he had gone very much over the line. Pulling himself to the far end of the bed, he really did put his hand over his mouth in shock this time.  
  
'Merlin. I am so sorry. I am such an idiot. I don't know why I did that, I just got...I don't know. I love you so much and I...." Had he just said those words, the 3 words that should never leave your lips unless you were absolutely sure?   
  
But he thought about it and, he was certain. He had wanted to make sure his friendship wasn't destroyed, even if that meant a broken heart, his whole world had been destroyed when he thought he'd lost his friend, and his full blown anger he could usually keep a cap on was released just like the Hulk when he wanted to make sure he never lost that friend again.  
  
"That's it. I love you and I don't want to hurt you. I love you whether you love me or not. i do not ever want to come that close to losing you again." As if to certify his feelings, he took the ring out of it's box and put it on one of his fingers, a perfect fit.  
  
"And I love you too." Ok, now that he hadn't expected. "What just happened, it was lovely. But I'm not ready for that. My head's killing me just after those few minutes and my chest's aching too. I want to carry on but not right now. Come here, please." He held out his hands for Arthur to come back to him. After a second's hesitation, he did, crawling towards the black haired boy; his black haired boy. "I-Love-You." He spoke the hesitation between each word, to show Arthur that he most definitely meant them.  
  
Arthur broke into a smile and moved in for a kiss. Just a small one this time.  
  
"Do you want a tablet?" The look on Merlin's face nearly caused him to laugh again, he'd obviously gotten too distracted. "You said a few minutes ago your head hurt. Do you want a tablet?"  
  
"Oh! No, thanks, it'll go off in a bit."  
  
Although he was smiling, Merlin looked a little down again, so Arthur moved towards the head of the bed, leant his back against the pillows and opened his arms for the other boy to follow. After a short hesitation, Merlin joined him. Holding onto one another like a child with a bear, they began to fall asleep, Merlin first, then Arthur. He watched as the raven eyelashes fluttered closed, the bright sapphires dimmed out by the shadows, and the breathing of his...boyfriend....become calmer than it had been in over a month.  
  
He was just drifting off when he heard the door behind him open quietly, he'd forgotten Hunith would be up soon. He slowly looked over his shoulder, a slight blush on his cheeks, to a very happy mother. 'Thank you', she mouthed to him. He nodded and looked down at her son in his arms.   
  
"Things are on the mend Hunith, he's coming back to us."  
  
"I'll keep your food warm. Don't let him sleep too long, or he won't sleep tonight." She giggled and left the room.  
  
A part of him knew Merlin had a long way to go, but it was overpowered by the revelation of what had happened that day, it had not been half as bad as he'd expected. And he'd gotten a boyfriend and a gorgeous ring out of it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's a bit smooshy towards the end but sometimes we need a bit of that. :)


	9. Strike!

"I hope you know I am going to kick your ass at this. I'm the champion bowler. My name's even on that wall." Percy pointed at a wall near the toilet area.  
  
"I thought that was for eating their hottest chilli or something?" Gwaine punched him in the arm, but was the one who came off worse, holding his cracked knuckles in his other hand.  
  
"It was. But that's beside the point. I'm a champion of bowling."  
  
"What's your tactic, throw the damned ball overarm and hope it lands in the right lane. I bet you could crack the floor dropping a ball with those arms." Lance tried to fit his hands around Percy's biceps, but none of his fingers met at any point around the mass.  
  
Arthur laughed out loud and nearly choked on his drink, Gwen had to hit him on the back to stop the violent barks emanating from his throat. The bowling alley was quiet, it was technically a school day but they had a free one and decided to use it as one of their 'get Merlin back on the road' days. It was a good chance for Merlin to get involved but not have too many people around him, the crash really had brought on a number of social anxiety issues.  
  
"Teams or versus each other?" Elyan had taken seat at one of the computers to enter their names.  
  
"Teams, then if we feel like it, we can do champions later." Leon answered.  
  
"I've got Merlin." Gwaine shouted and clamped his hand on the boy in question's shoulder.  
  
"Captain's first Gwaine."  
  
"Who made you boss Elyan!? Ok. I'm Captain, and Gwen, Captain number 2."  
  
"Fine." Elyan rolled his eyes and began to input the names.  
  
Gwaine, Merlin, Lancelot and Leon.  
Versus  
Elyan, Gwen, Morgana, Percival and Arthur.  
  
Gwaine reasoned that two girls made for 1 guy, so it was even, which of course ended in a half hour lecture from both girls about how sexist that was. It gave Arthur chance to talk to Merlin alone anyway.  
  
"How you feeling? If it gets too much let me know and I'll take you home."  
  
"I'm fine. Thanks, yeah I will. I hope you know you're going down though, I'm pretty good at bowling."  
  
"You're good at wii bowling, this is a bit more complicated." He nudged the boys shoulder, leaning in for a kiss before remembering where they were and who they were with. Instead, he chose to squeeze Merlin's shoulder.  
  
That afternoon was a blur. Arthur was the happiest he had been in so long and all memories of the crash were out of his mind.  He watched as all of his friends fought and celebrated together. It really was a good job the alley was quiet or they would probably have got a number of complaints about just how loud they were being. Merlin, who had been getting spares the whole time, suddenly sat beside him with the biggest grin on his face, and of course this brought an even bigger grin to Arthur's face.  
  
"I'm home alone tomorrow night, mum was bloody reluctant to go but it's a work thing so she has to. So I was wondering if you wanted to come over. You don't have to stay the night, just have tea and a bit of gaming or something. Or if there is some homework you're stuck on..." He was rambling, but whether it was out of excitement or nerves, Arthur couldn't tell.  
  
"Of course. I'd love that. We can decide what to do tomorrow, see how you feel. But I'll pack for a night anyway, just in case. What time?"  
  
Merlin was grinning too much and must have had something going through his mind as it was quite a while before he shook his head and replied "Oh, erm, I don't know. Six? You can fetch a pizza or something with you, or we can order when you get to mine. Either way I'm not bothered, oh look, it's my turn again."  
  
Arthur watched as Merlin bounded to the ball rack, hefted one that must have been heavy as he'd seen Percy use it earlier, and near enough throw it down the lane. It moved in a brilliantly straight line right through the centre: Merlin's first strike. The entire group went berserk, shouting, cheering, screaming. Nearly everyone ran to Merlin, almost suffocated him in a hug and then continued to hug one another for no reason. Gwaine came over to Arthur who had stayed back a little, just watching and taking in the memory with tear filled eyes.  
  
"I don't think I've ever seen him this way. You haven't drugged him have you?"  
  
"Me? Why out of all of us would I drug him? I was thinking you must have."  
  
"Nope. I especially love how you aren't even hiding your emotions, I can see those tears Arthur." Gwaine prodded Arthur in his ribs, laughing.  
  
"I think if you were in my shoes Gwaine, you'd feel the same. I nearly killed him, and here he is, after having god knows how many breakdowns, ecstatic and full of life again. I just hope it lasts, I don't know how many more times I can see him get so low."  
  
Gwaine put a comforting hand on Arthur's shoulder. "I know. We've run this whole race with you, but just on a slightly different track, with a bit of a different scenery. No-body is going to give up on him. Half of our exams are over, we've just got a few more to go and then we're free. Just two more months."  
  
"You're right. Except for that analogy, the race one, that was utterly shit Gwaine."  
  
"Eh, you know me, I'm crap with speeches.Oh my turn. Look out bitches, the master is in the house."  
  
Catching Merlin's eye, Arthur winked, smiled and then turned away to hide the tears that now escaped from his eyes. Quickly wiping them away, he turned back to find Merlin sat right beside him.  
  
"Are you that jealous of my strike it made you cry? Come on, I thought you were tougher than that."  He giggled. Oh god, he giggled. Arthur's stomach just turned to mush, butterflies, flips...jelly.  
  
"I'm just happy for you. And do you have to giggle like that, you know it's my weakness."  
  
"I could do with a pee, you need one too?"  
  
"Why in the hell would you say that, what are we now, girls who go in pairs to take a pee?" Then it dawned on him. "Oh. Actually, I need another drink so I'll come with you. Hey, guys, we're doing toilet and drink duty, anyone want a refill?"  
  
"Toilet duty? Is that where you pee for us?"  
  
"Bloody hell Gwaine, you are so disgusting." Morgana shoved said disgusting male with some force, the group erupted in laughter. "I think I'll have another slushy please, you can't bowl without having at least one slush puppy."  
  
It was true, you couldn't.  
  
After getting the list of drinks, Merlin and Arthur walked over to the cafe section, whilst waiting for the drinks, they walked as normally as possible to the bathroom. Checking the stalls, making sure no-one was around, Arthur brought Merlin into a tight embrace.  
  
"You know how sexy you look bowling? Yet also really cute too."  
  
"Whatever. Oh bit of advice, you don't have to stick your arse out so far when you throw the ball y'know."  
  
"Charming, why, does it put you off?" He smiled and moved some hair from Merlin's face.  
  
"I never said I was complaining. But you may want to work out a bit down there, looks like all your fat goes to your arse." That was it, they were both giggling, Arthur knew Merlin was just trying to tease him, he did it all the time.  
  
Their eyes caught and both pulled the other in for a kiss. Before long, their lips met, slowly at first, they pecked each others lips, then with a bit more vigor. Just as they were going for a little more intimacy, the door behind them burst open. Merlin pulled back, nearly falling over, and Arthur spun around to see Lance staring wide eyed at them.  
  
"I didn't see anything." He turned to leave but Arthur stopped him before he could get out the door. Letting the door close, Arthur left his hand lightly on Lance's arm.  
  
"We all know you did..." He paused, listening for any signs of Merlin having a panic attack, there was nothing. "Lance, out of all of my friends out there, you are probably the one both Merlin and I trust most. I know this is hard and I don't want to be the one to place such a weight on your shoulders, but I need you to keep this between us. Can you do that for us, for Merlin?"  
  
"Of course I can. What goes on between people should stay between them until they themselves choose to let others know. It is not the right thing for a third person to spread some shit around. And can i just say, I'm happy for you."  
  
"Thank you. It's appreciated. i hope everyone else understands like you do." Lance smiled and so did Arthur, but stopped when he remembered Merlin. Looking round, he could see Merlin shaking slightly and a much paler complex than a few seconds before. "Hey, it's ok. Don't worry." He put his arms around Merlin and kissed his cheek, it felt ever so slightly weird doing so in front of another person.  
  
"Well, your drinks are ready, I need a pee so I'll see you back at the lane, I think it's nearly Arthur's turn."  
  
Collecting the drinks, Arthur walked slowly and silently with Merlin back to the group who were patiently waiting for them to come back, sure enough, it was Arthur's turn. He put down the drinks and went up to bowl.  
  
"Strike! Oh yeah!" Strange enough, it was the first time that game he'd got one, and he had brought his bum in just as Merlin had said. So maybe it had actually been a tip to improve his game. He was smiling to himself when Gwen came up beside him, definitely not smiling.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"What do you mean? I got a strike."  
  
"No, with Merlin." She nodded towards the seats and Arthur turned to see Merlin sat, shaking in Morgana's arms, with everyone surrounding him, looking worried.  
  
"shit." Running to Merlin, he pushed through the group and bent down in front of his friend, cupping his face in his hands. "Hey, it's ok. Merlin come on. Guys, can you just give us some room please, just back up."  
  
"I want to go home." Merlin's voice trembled, he looked up into Arthur's eyes and he could see something had really shook the boy up.  
  
"Erm, yeah ok. I told you I would take you if you needed it. Come on then." Merlin shot straight up and walked off without saying a word to anyone, he was already half way to the front desk. "Well, sorry everyone, you'll have to finish up on your own. Just when I thought it was a good day."  
  
"It has been, it's been great. But we've been at it nearly 3 hours. He's just probably tired." Morgana had pulled him into a hug, squeezing him for reassurance.  
  
Arthur smiled a half smile, nodding to his friends he turned to meet Merlin at the desk, who had already taken his bowling shoes off and was currently replacing them with his own trainers. Knowing the delicate situation, Arthur didn't say anything. He explained to the receptionist that the rest of the group were still playing, only them two were leaving early.  
  
Once they were back in the car, Arthur turned to look at Merlin. "I'm sorry. I should have taken us into somewhere more private before throwing myself on you. I was stupid and reckless."  
  
"I'm not mad at you. I'm not mad at me, or Lance. I don't know what I feel, it's strange. But when I heard that door open, it was just like when that van smashed into us. It was the same sensation, just one massive blow and I went into panic mode. It brought back loads of memories that I thought I'd forgotten. Then I couldn't...I just..."  
  
Arthur reached over and held Merlin's hand in his. "Please don't do this to yourself Merls, don't get yourself in that dark place again. It gets harder and harder each time to get you out of it."  
  
"Please just take me home." Merlin pulled away from Arthur's hold and turned completely to face the window, there was no chance of talking to him now. Sighing, Arthur gave up and started the ignition, slowly, he pulled out of the car park and drove the rest of the way in complete silence, only occasionally glancing to Merlin to make sure he was ok.  
  
Merlin had fallen asleep within 5 minutes, maybe Morgana had been right, maybe he was just tired; Arthur loved the way he looked when he was asleep, peaceful, dainty and innocent. Pulling up outside Merlin's house, he really didn't want to wake his friend up, but he had to, and so he slowly reached over and gently shook his shoulder.  
  
"You're home."  
  
"I'm so sorry Arthur." Without another word, he got out of the car and walked into his house. He didn't even look around to wave; this was when Arthur realised even the slightest actions could break his heart. Driving away, he couldn't help but burst into tears at the look in Merlin's eyes, it was one he was getting very used to seeing recently, defeat, he had retreated so far into himself, he was a lost soul.  
  
Arthur went straight to his room and stayed there the whole night. He locked his door and wouldn't open it to anyone, not even Morgana. He knew it would worry her like mad, but it was too much, he was getting closer to the place Merlin went, the dark places.  
  
 _You have nothing to be sorry for. We still on for tomorrow? I completely understand if not. Xxx_  
  
He sent the text at 5 O'clock- it was nearly midnight when he got one back.  
  
 _See you at six._  
  
That was it, nothing more, no kisses, no nothing. Arthur contemplated ringing him but he didn't want to scare Merlin, he just hoped Matthew had been right about sufferers not needing to be on suicide watch.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

**Don't worry, the last line isn't a clue or plot idea.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed. :)


	10. Please don't give up

**To say I don't generally like smushy Merlin/Arthur stuff, I really don't understand how I wrote this...must have been a symptom of withdrawl. Again, a bit cheesy in places but oh well.**

**\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

 

"Oh Hunith, hi. I thought you were out tonight?" Granted, Arthur had pulled up at Merlin's at half 5 rather than the agreed 6, but he expected Hunith to have left earlier.  
  
"Oh yes, well I don't feel too good so I..." She trailed off, obviously seeing the look Arthur was giving her. It was caring but questioning. "What happened yesterday Arthur?"  
  
"Nothing, he just had a funny turn. I was with him the whole time."  
  
"He's playing it down. Pretending he's ok. This whole time, since the crash he has never lied to me, never pretended he was ok. If he's gone to a bad place I know about it. But now he's acting as if everything is fine, but it's not. I can see it in his eyes. He's in that place again, where the dark is." Arthur pulled her into a hug as soon as she began crying.  
  
"And we'll get him out of it. But I know one thing for sure, if he knows that you're blowing off a job party or whatever tonight is, just for him, he'd be annoyed and guilty. So I suggest you get into your most gorgeous dress, brush your hair because no offense but it looks like you've been dragged through a hedge backwards, and get the hell out of here." Cupping Hunith's face, he pushed a little of her hair from her eyes and tucked it around her ear, just like he did with Merlin, it made him smile. Hunith saw him and kissed his cheek, just like she would a son. "Besides, I've brought Avengers for him to watch, been as he hasn't seen it yet."  
  
"You, Arthur Pendragon, are one very special young man. Nothing like what people expect in one so rich. Merlin is lucky to have you, I am lucky to have you. So what do you think, my little red dress or my little blue one?"  
  
"The blue one, goes with your eyes. And Merlin's."  
  
"And yours my dear. Go on, he's upstairs." Kissing her one more time, Arthur moved forward before panicking at what exactly he was going to say to Merlin.  
  
Once again, the curtains were closed, the lights were off, and Merlin was wrapped in his blankets, staring off into space.    
  
He closed the door and stood for at least a minute before thinking what to say. Clasping his hands together he said "So, pizza, burgers, Chinese? What we wanting?"  
  
Nothing. Oh brilliant.  
  
"Or I could cook?"  
  
This time there was a small snort escape the bundle of blankets.   
  
"Are you laughing at my cooking? I will have you know that I...well, ok the one time I tried to cook the fire service had to be called but that was because there was some oil left over from the cook before me that caught fire. So it wasn't technically my fault."  
  
Now laughter erupted from Merlin, blankets were falling off with every movement. Arthur took the opportunity to jump on top of him and tickle him.  
  
"Oh I see how it is. First laughing at my fat ass and now my failed attempt at cooking. Well then...mister, just you wait. I'm going to tickle you until you need to pee."  
  
"ahaha, Arthur stop it....ahahahha no! NO! ahahahaha ok I need to pee, I really ahahahahha...."  
  
"Ok, I'm leaving..." Arthur stopped dead when Hunith opened the door. He looked up, Merlin stopped wriggling, and saw straight away that Hunith was also laughing. "I wondered what those noises were, thought we had the ghost of a child haunt us for a minute there. Anyway, I'm leaving, you've both got my number, and the number of the hotel is on the fridge. I'll be gone all night, don't know when I'll be back tomorrow. So...don't burn the house down- Arthur sweety I'm looking at you."  
  
"It was oil...not mine! I...oh forget it." He waved off the joke when he realised Hunith was doing exactly what Merlin did, winding him up until his voice got all high pitched in defense.  
  
"We're not a kid and his babysitter you know, no need to go through the whole number's being left here and there routine."  
  
Hunith picked up an abandoned cushion and threw it lovingly at the two boys on the bed. "Just don't burn down the house. Love you." After the door closed, Arthur turned back to attacking Merlin, but the smaller boy was one move ahead. He rolled Arthur and pinned him to the bed, before tickling him, just as he had done seconds before.  
  
"Oh, you don't like it when the boots on the other foot do you? Hey! Hey!" He began poking Arthur's weakest spots and tickling him where he knew he was most vulnerable. Both boys were rolling around on the bed and would probably have done so for quite a while, if it weren't for Merlin throwing his head in the wrong direction and it coming into contact with the wall.   
  
"Merlin." Arthur jumped into a sitting position when he saw Merlin holding his head. "Let me look. Come on."   
  
Eventually, Merlin took his hands away from his head and let Arthur look at the already risen bump just above the temple. Arthur moved forward slowly and, as gently as possible, kissed the bump, just like a mother kissing a child's grazed knee; holding it for a short while letting Merlin calm down a little. The raven haired boy hissed through his teeth.  
  
"Sorry. How many fingers am I holding up?" He held up 3.  
  
"3."  
  
"Now?" 2 fingers on one hand, and his thumb and 3 others on the other.  
  
"5." Arthur creased his brow, Merlin was wrong. "5 fingers, 1 thumb dumbo."  
  
"I'm dumbo? Have you seen your adorable ears?"  
  
Merlin began to chuckle but held his head and stomach simultaneously. "Don't make me laugh, I feel like I'm about to spew."  
  
"That's a sign of concussion, come on I'll take you to th..."  
  
"No. It's a symptom of my bloody post traumatic shit syndrome thing. I've been feeling like it all day. Why does life hate me? Why am I shit on all the time? First my dad leaves my mum when she was pregnant, then I find him and 2 days later he dies. Then I'm bullied throughout my entire school life. I've had to live the last 5 years of my life hiding a secret that could mean I lose everything, and now, just to add to my misery, I've got some fucking god awful mental affliction that stops me living my life and being the fucking person I WANT TO BE! It just isn't fair and I'm sick of everything!" Arthur could only watch in shocked disbelief as Merlin jumped up off the bed and began throwing everything around his room in some surprise fit of anger.  He grabbed his clothes, his ornaments, even his laptop, and threw them at every wall, anywhere he could find. Holding onto his chest of drawers, he pulled it so it fell forward, narrowly missing his toes, and the same with his desk.  
  
Snapping himself out of his stupor, Arthur lunged forward and gripped Merlin's forearms, holding him back from the destruction he was causing. "No, come on. Calm down. Please!"  
  
Merlin struggled in his arms and tried to break free, but Arthur was stronger. He was not letting Merlin go again. In his grip, the younger man broke one arm free and tried to wriggle himself out further, it was during this that his elbow came into contact with Arthur's face.  
  
"Ahhh!" Now he let him go, he also held his chin too. He knew he was lucky that it had only been his mouth that got hit and not his nose or eyes, but it still hurt like hell.   
  
Looking down at his bloodied hand, he heard the struggling breaths of Merlin. Forgetting his lip, he looked up to find him sat in a tight ball, rocking back and forth, hardly breathing. "No."  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...." He wasn't stopping, he just continued rocking, hyperventilating and repeating how sorry he was. To add to the scene before him, Arthur noticed Merlin tugging at his hair, clumps of it fit tightly into clenched fists.  
  
"Merlin, come on. No, it's fine. It was an accident. I'm fine, look. It didn't harm my charming looks." _Cheesy grin please work. Cheesy grin please work. Well it might help if you look at me, ahh, he's looking, cheesy grin, cheesy grin._   
  
There was a small smile on Merlin's lips, and just as Arthur had done to his banged head, he pushed up and kissed Arthur's split lip. "Charming looks? I thought you weren't some pompous stuck up rich boy?" He kissed the injury again, longer this time.  
  
"You know I was just trying to get you to laugh right? And look, it worked, well to some extent."  
  
Merlin didn't look much happier than he had before his outburst, he sat sunken as far as he could, his eyes looking down at his folded, shaking hands, his bottom lip trembled and tears streaming down his face. His breathing hadn't quite leveled out either and so he sat wheezing like an asthmatic during an attack. That's when Arthur remembered Merlin had had asthma as a child but had grown out of it; his protective mother always renewed the prescription though and so he knew there was an in date inhaler somewhere in the room. Eyeing it in the now fallen mess, he picked it up and handed it to Merlin.  
  
"Here, for the breathing, just calm down, please."  
  
Merlin reluctantly took the inhaler and swallowed two puffs of it, before lobbing it at a nearby wall.   
  
Arthur sat beside his friend and held him close, trying his best to ignore the shaking form, he kissed the top of Merlin's head.  
  
"You know I'm here for you right? Whether you like it or not you have me now, I'm not going anywhere. We'll get through this together, I promise. You said earlier about all the shit you've been through, well this is where it ends.  I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily, I'm staying to make the differences I can make. We're friends, we didn't break, we didn't burn. We did this without the world caving in, I've learnt what I've got, what I'm not and who I am. I ain't giving up on this and so shouldn't you."  
  
Wow, how shit and cheesy was that? God knows why he had said it, it was just an impulse, but it was so crap he actually wanted to cut out his tongue, frame it and get a plaque cut saying; "Idiot made worlds worst speech, feel free to throw darts."  
  
The movement of Merlin had changed somehow, but he couldn't place why, then he realised, he was no longer shaking from crying, he was laughing.  
  
"Aren't those the word to I won't give up, by Jason Mraz?"  
  
"Well...I was listening to it on the way here and it reminded me of you and I. And not the exact words, I changed them a bit."  
  
"You're an idiot, you know that?"  
  
"But I'm your idiot right?"  
  
A pause.  
  
"Until the end of time."  
  
Arthur smiled. "Until the end of time."

**\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Ok, just a reminder I don't own Merlin and I don't own the song I mentioned in this chapter and my next chapter. But seriously, it is an amazing song and I advise you listen to it, I bet you can relate it to at least one of your ships/OTP's. But even so, it is a lovely song and great for your own personal issues. I listen to it when I get down.**


	11. I Won't Give Up!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't updated for over a week so the last few parts I was going to split up I left as one whole. So here is chapter 11, and sadly the last chapter. I hope it does justice.  
> Again I don't own Merlin or the song 'I Won't Give Up.'

It was 7 months since the incident, since Merlin had broken down completely and trashed his room. Arthur had had to explain to Hunith the next day what had happened which, not surprisingly, caused her to freak out completely. It was only with his reassurance that she calmed down enough to hear the rest of the story. 7 months since. 7 months in which things had changed. All exams were now over, university placements had been chosen, and future plans had been put into motion. Thankfully, the group were never going to be further than an hour from one another, with many staying in the small town of Camelot and getting jobs or further college courses, and the rest all being accepted into the local university. But the best change of all, was Merlin. Over the few months, he had had counselling sessions, had hung out with his friends and had even visited Matthew with Arthur a number of times. The young doctor was such a great friend to the both of them and helped with things that maybe needed a bit more explanation than the psychologist gave. He was also laid off from work when cut backs were sent out, leaving him jobless. Thankfully, he was also strong in business and so Arthur managed to get him into his household as an employee and resident doctor, just as Arthur had planned- well a few maids were getting on in age and regularly collapsed or needed tension release massages, so it was perfect.   
  
Once all of their exams were over it marked the new 'get Merlin back on the road' sessions. They had stopped when Merlin had become ill again, but not one member gave up on their friend. Each day saw at least one person going round to his house and doing things with him, even simple stuff like talking or playing a board game. With each week that past, the friends could see him improving, he got less headaches, fell ill only 1 day a week, got happier (and with it a lot more sarcastic), and generally more outgoing. He even agreed to go bowling again one night, and the cinema one Saturday.  When the friends were unable to get to Merlin for whatever reason, Hunith would always ring them at night to let them know how he was, and just recently, it was clear as day that they were pretty close to having the old Merlin back.   
  
"You know what Matthew? I actually think he's grown. I mean, we've got our old Merl back as well as a new one."  
  
"In what way?" The two were currently in the kitchen making snacks for a party Arthur was having when the conversation started.  
  
"I mean, he's more confident than before. Not smart arse stuck up his backside confident, I mean...arghh I can't explain it but he isn't so introverted anymore, he's come out of his shell. Before, we could be sat there and forget he was with us- I don't mean that in a horrible way though- and now, he's clearly a part of us. Do you know what I mean?"  
  
"I do. Before he was a wallflower who watched things go by, and now he's grown, branched off from the wall and has been allowed to shine."  
  
"What is it with my friends and shitty similes? Gwaine said some crap about us all running the same race on different tracks once, I can honestly tell you I had no idea what he was going on about."  
  
"You think you've got enough food here? I think this could feed the whole house....twice. Who's coming over anyway?"  
  
"Not many of us, just the normal group, Hunith, maybe Gauis...you?"  
  
"Oh, well, yeah go on then. I haven't anything better to do."  
  
"And to answer your question," Arthur jumped down from the stool he was perched on and grabbed a mini sausage roll, stuffing it into his mouth, "No, this isn't enough food, we're ordering pizza and chips too."  
  
Arthur just caught a glimpse of Matthew shaking his head and laughing as he left the room to set up the out-house and pool for the night's party. For once, British weather was on his side, it was boiling, sunny and an awesome meteor shower was scheduled for that night.   
  
It looked like the stars were finally shining for him.  
  
XX  
  
Incredibly, none of them were drunk. They had enjoyed a few ciders but since the driver who had plowed into Arthur's car was intoxicated, they had dramatically stopped drinking as much. The night was beginning to creep up on them but it was still warm. Gwaine and Percival were wrestling all over the grass, Lance and Leon were playing table tennis, Morgana was with Hunith talking about some book they both doted over and Gwen was tidying up empty pizza boxes whilst Elyan laughed at her.  
  
"You don't have to do that you know? We've got serv...maids...erm, people, to do that." Arthur still hated calling them maids or servants, he felt like he was demeaning them as people; surely all people should be equal worth, right?  
  
"I know, but I hate messy tables. And it might attract wildlife or something." She crossed her arms and nodded in Leon and Lance's direction.  "I think they may be playing all night, they're playing for champion, but they've been even for the last hour. What time did you say this thing was starting tonight? I've never seen a shooting star."  
  
"You haven't? Wow. Well, it'll be on all night but the peak is around midnight, if we're still all awake at that time. I think I've eaten enough pizza I could just hibernate for a few months."   
  
"Where's Merlin?" Elyan looked around for their friend but couldn't find him. Arthur followed his gaze.  
  
"I'm not sure. Maybe gone to the toilet."  
  
Lance finally beat Leon and celebrated by throwing his arms in the air and jumping quite high for one without a trampoline.  Whatever the competition had been between Gwaine and Percival also ended, but in a more splashing way than Lance's.  Percival practically picked Gwaine up and lifted him over his head, before throwing him straight into the pool. Anyone within a certain distance were drenched. Everybody screamed with laughter and were forced to hold either their stomachs or chests to stop the aching. Arthur turned around to see Merlin with a smile on his face, but tears in his eyes, and not from laughter.  
  
No-one was close enough or had noticed, so Arthur pulled him aside and asked, "What's wrong?"  
  
"I just heard on the radio in the kitchen. That guy who ran into us, he's done it again to a lorry."  
  
"Surely the car came off worse?" By now, everyone had noticed and moved in to make sure Merlin was ok. Hunith stayed back but looked ready to jump as soon as she knew her son needed her.  
  
"Yeah, the lorry didn't even get a dint. The guy's dead though, the driver."  
  
"Well, surely that's kind of a good thing. Not for him but, I suppose it's turned back on him." Percy didn't mean to sound so horrid to the man's family, but Arthur knew he secretly wanted to punch the guy for doing what he did to his two friends.   
  
"He must have had issues though? To drink so much and be so reckless. It didn't have to end in him dead."  
  
"Better him than you or Arthur though dude." Percy put a giant hand on Merlin's shoulder and Arthur watched as he squeezed slightly- a pang of jealousy sparking in his stomach. _Don't be ridiculous, he's just making him feel better. Idiot._  
  
"Yeah. So, I found this in my bedroom when I was, er, cleaning it." Arthur knew he meant tidying it up after his breakdown, and so did practically everyone else, but he didn't say anything. "I thought it might be a laugh."  
  
Arthur watched as Merlin held up Twister. "Oh my god yes!" He clasped his hands over his mouth after the outburst; a little too excited maybe.  
  
"We'll never all fit on one mat." Morgana laughed.  
  
"I've got one, we could do versus or something?" Before anyone could answer, Arthur ran up to his room and found his own Twister. He also picked up a small box off his desk.  
  
"What's this?" Merlin asked once Arthur had come back and given him the box. Everyone else was busy setting up the mats and choosing how they were going to play the game.  
  
"A present."  
  
"For?"  
  
"Nothing, can't I just give you something? Ok, if you want a reason then...erm...getting into university. Happy?"  
  
Arthur watched as Merlin opened the box, a huge smile making it's way onto his face. "A bracelet?"  
  
"Yeah. I thought about a ring but I know what you've said before about wearing them. Plus I couldn't get one small enough for these skinny things." He entwined his own fingers in Merlin's boney ones.  "Then again, it was hard to find a bracelet that looked manly enough and that fit your wrist. Why are you so bloody thin?"  
  
Merlin just laughed, the bracelet was a dark silver one shaped as a dragon. The whole body wrapped around the wrist, with the head and tail meeting in the centre. It's scales were beautifully carved with occasional amber, amethysts, and garnets set into them, the green eyes sparkled with emeralds. "This must be worth a fortune?" Merlin was gobsmacked.  
  
"Not really, the gems are only small so it wasn't too much. It won't fall off either, there's this special clasp thing that holds it in place." Arthur lifted it out of the box and began fumbling with the fastener to put it on Merlin's wrist.  
  
"Where's the ring I got you? I mean, you don't have to wear it, I was just wondering."  
  
"Here." Arthur pulled a medium length chain from under his shirt to reveal the ring falling from the bottom of it, like a pendant. "I was scared of losing it. And this way it's closer to my heart."  
  
"And you call me cheesy."   
  
"Shut up you. Is it ok? I can change it?" Arthur looked up into Merlin's eyes with a little self-doubt.   
  
"It's perfect. I love dragons."  
  
"I know you do." They both went in for a hug but realised at the same moment who's company they were in, so they quickly changed it to a manly pat on the back kind of hug. Arthur didn't mind if people knew, but clearly Merlin wasn't ready.   
  
Arthur must have let the hurt show a little too much as Merlin said "I'm sorry", before walking off to the group.  
  
For the next five minutes, there were heated debates about how they should play Twister with two mats, and who should be on who's team etc etc. Eventually Gwaine (who was still dripping wet) shouted. "We need to calm down or we're going to get Merlin into a state again."  
  
"No, I'm fine. Actually this is hilarious, I'm loving it." Merlin replied with a chuckle.  
  
Finally, the group just decided to play last one standing and find a champion. Hunith noted she wasn't going to play, so she would spin the board to call out the colours and limbs. Uther had hardly shown his face the whole night but came out to watch the commotion and ended up snorting wine out of his nose from laughing; this was the dad Arthur wished he saw more often.   
  
In the end, it was Merlin versus Matthew who were both in very awkward positions; Arthur had to look away for a few minutes when Merlin's arse was pretty much stuck straight up into the air. He noticed Lance looking his way and threw a cushion at him when a knowing smirk played on his face, luckily no-one else saw. Matthew tried tickling Merlin whenever he got the chance, but it began sending his balance off and he stopped.   
  
"Matthew, left hand green." Hunith shouted.  
  
"What! Oh come on!"  
  
That was it, the game was over and Merlin had won, Matthew tried positioning himself to get his left hand on the green circle, but it was beyond hopeless, he came crashing down and an almighty roar of laughter came from everyone in the garden. Merlin jumped up and went around high fiving everybody, hugging Gwen and Morgana and then finally being a good sport and helping Matthew off the floor.   
  
"Well played." Matthew shook Merlin's hand.  
  
"You let me win didn't you?"  
  
"I can honestly say Merl..." _Did he just use Arthur's nickname for him?_ "I would never give up a game, I'm a very sore loser." With that, he chased Merlin towards the pool and they both tried to push the other in, after a small struggle, the two fell in together. A silent confirmation between the group then took place, all finding eye contact and nodding as one, and they followed the pair, one-by-one into the pool. The whole group of friends, except Hunith and Uther, were in the pool, splashing and acting like 5 year olds having a water fight.   
  
It was the best day Arthur could remember for a long time.  
  
XXX  
  
The group were laid out at all angles on the tennis court, Arthur had had blankets and cushions placed all over it for comfort and warmth- not that they needed it on this hot summer's night. They were all staring up at the night sky watching the stars twinkle and the planets shine. A few meteors had been seen but not many so far, though it was now approaching midnight and the show was only just beginning. Gwen had cried after witnessing her first shooting star, not an unusual reaction for such a breathtaking moment, Arthur remembered the first time he'd seen one and, whilst he wouldn't admit to anyone out loud, he had shed a tear at the wonder that was the universe.  
  
"So how do I know if I'm looking at a star or Jupiter?" Gwaine motioned to the sky and screwed up his face.  
  
"Easy, stars twinkle or flash, planets stay a constant feature, they don't change other than move position." Hunith said in a professor type voice.  
  
"Oh. So that one..." He pointed to a dot in the sky, "is just a star. And that one..." he moved his finger, "is a planet?"  
  
"Gwaine sweety, pointing to a pitch black canvas full of dots is not the cleverest thing to do. Unless I'm right next to you, I don't know where you are pointing, and even then it would be difficult." The group laughed.  
  
"Oh I saw one, just over that tree. It looked green." Leon rang out.  
  
"I saw it too." Lance interjected.  
  
They stayed that way in silence for the next hour, just watching, as the meteors grew in frequency and streaked along the sky in various colours. To Arthur, it seemed like every care was just shooting off into space with them, being pulled from his shoulders and thrown far away so they would not bother him anymore.   
  
Around half 1, Merlin got up and walked into the house. The friends looked at one another but did not say a word- he was probably just tired, it had been a rollercoaster recently, not just for Merlin, but for them all. The silence of the night was broken by the speakers located around the garden beginning to fizz with sound. After a few seconds, the buzzing started up into a song and Arthur recognized it immediately.  
  
 _When I look into your eyes_  
 _It's like watching the night sky_  
 _Or a beautiful sunrise_  
 _Well, there's so much they hold..._  
  
A hand fell in front of Arthur's face, held out for him to take. He didn't need to look up to see who it was, the dragon bracelet reflected the moon's light perfectly. Taking it, Arthur half forced himself up and was half pulled up to stand in front of Merlin. The younger boy wrapped his arms around Arthur and began slow dancing to the music, only on the spot they stood.  
  
Blocking out the entire world apart from the music and Merlin's breathing, Arthur closed his eyes and took in everything he could to remember this moment. Merlin's smell, a beautiful mixture of citrus fruits and coconut, with a slight hint of apple from the cider; the feel of his hair as it blew slightly in the wind onto Arthur's face and neck; the rise and fall of his chest and most of all, the slow, steady beat of his heart. It wasn't fast, there was no panic left in the boy, the situation was not fazing him and so Arthur let it do the same to him.  
  
The song began to end and Arthur pulled Merlin away from him ever so slightly. Looking into his eyes, there was a second of affirmation between the two before they both went in for the kiss. They had yet to go as far as opening their mouths but Arthur liked it that way, he felt it was more gentle and passionate; if he was honest, 'spit swapping' was a little gross. They stayed that way for a long while, far after the music had ended. When they finally pulled away, Merlin placed his forehead on Arthurs and looked him straight in the eyes.  
  
"I love you." It was only for Arthur to hear, their own world, their own stars now shining in each others' eyes.  
  
"And I love you. You are my new dream."  
  
"Isn't that from Tangled?" Merlin's breath blew into Arthur's face as he giggled.  
  
"Why do you have to ruin it?" Arthur began to laugh now too but planted another kiss on Merlin.  
  
"We're missing the show Arthur?" Merlin was looking up, he really did look perfect from every angle, this boy did not have a bad side.  
  
They both moved to lay down again, now right next to each other, with Merlin's head on Arthur's chest, looking up into the diamond filled sky. Arthur didn't look directly at anybody but could see smiles on everybodies faces as they repositioned themselves to continue the show; though he did lock eyes with Lance and Morgana who both winked at him.  
  
"It's a shame your uncle Gauis didn't come tonight." Arthur whispered whilst stroking Merlin's hair.  
  
"Nerr, it would have been too much for him anyway. Plus, he studied astronomy when he was younger so he'd just be giving us lectures all night." Merlin's hand came up and clasped around Arthur's wrist whilst slowly rubbing circles on it with his thumb.  
  
"So, is it safe to say that I Won't Give Up is our song?"  
  
"Yeah, why not." Merlin moved to look into Arthur's eyes again and smiled.  
  
He finally had that smile back. He finally had Merlin back. Of course Merlin was still not completely ok, and he wouldn't be for a long time, but he had come a hell of a way. Just months ago, Arthur worried he would never return to what he had before the crash. Sometimes mental issues could be just as disabling as physical injuries. Now, he no longer wished he had his mother back (of course it would be nice), for he had found a mother in Hunith, and that was all he needed to complete his family circle.   
  
Out of the corner of his eye, he could feel the horrified and disgusted gaze of his father; Arthur couldn't even bring himself to look in that direction.  
  
That would be a problem for another day, right now, the stars had aligned, they were shining bright, and everything was perfect.  
  
"Clotpole."  
  
"Says you Prince Arthur!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we are. I know it sounds ridiculous but I honestly don't know I got it to be this lovey dovey. I usually stay clear of the really smushy stuff, but this one got away with me. It's an AU anyway so It's ok. :D Thanks for sticking with the story, whether you've followed it from the beginning or just recently. I really miss Merlin..... :(


End file.
